LOL :-)

"Aria is so accident- prone it is annoying! Like on some "That's So Raven" shit!"

"My vagina has to pee!"

"I jus don't know where I live!"

"You say that in all your raps! Bish you got a Christmas album sayin that shit!"

"Why does he text so stupid?? 'Aight I'ma jus say "hi" as many ways as possible & see if she notice... "What's good? Wassup? What's poppin? What's good for today?"'

"Hey! Put all that smoking out!"

"Liane why you look like you got the Juice?"

"I haven't had a cupcake in years." " I haven't had a cupcake in hours."

"Yea I got kids! I'm a proud uncle& brother!"

"That's the ugliest thing I ever heard in my ear!"

"I wish I had a horse so I could ride it & jump over you."

L- "Oh yea, y'all crushin."

D- "Whose popcorn is it?"

L- "Mine, yall might wanna lemme f.ck wit that for a minute."

"If you microwave it too good it's cookin to me!"

K- "It keeps going to sleep.

D- "I know cuz the charger ain't plugged in no more. So a bish gotta be vigilant!"

"Sorry, I only talk to top atheletes-- not the top worst!"

"Tell him I said what's good. And then tell the other one I said "What's good-er!"'

"He has a lil accent but like-- when we text & when we talk he just like... be sayin mad Black things that I never expected."

*

cYrO Says...

"I think I'ma get Parkinsons when I get older. Like if I was tryna paint my fingernails-- like no homo, I wouldn't do it but if I was... my hands would be shaking."
*

This. Is The Way I Live*

"Y'all jus make all TYPES of things in here! Y'all make beats & y'all make treats!"

"The bar wasn't even delicious! It was nutritious!"

"We ain't tippin. We go to free sh!t to get free sh!t & then we dip!"

"I'm about to crush the PHiLADELPHiA out this cheesecake!"

"You dyslexic when it comes to pictures, nigga?"

"You want me to turn this light off& get over there with you, dont you??"

"I'm bouta tell Ling to come to visit me so I can touch his phone."

"I feel like my body has turned its back on me."

"He look like he got my name all OVA his left hand."

M- "You such a whore."

D- "I try not to be."

M- "You not tryin hard enough."

"I don't know because my brother distorts my perception of how old kids are because my brother don't talk good at ALL!"

"If I was Asian, I would like this song."

"Public Safety gon knock on the door like "It smells like weed in here!'-- you are a good Public Safety officer. You damn right it smells like weed in here!"

*

cYrO Says...

"When I get high, things are like HD son. Like they be on some other shit. Like I be realizing like... I give a fuck, but like-- I don't give a fuck. When I get drunk, I be like"Ayyyy, where the b!tches at?? Show me yo tittays!"*

Cyro Says...

Since Kory Campbell has long forsaken me and my father is a comfortable distance away, I was forced to find a new " ______ " for my "______ Says" section. And the winner is....

Ant the Man! aka cYrO HaZe (you gotta write it like that.) His quotes be wild sometimes.

"I'm bouta write a book called fuckshit and jus write shit that's fuckshit."

... and when King Tut tried to save him from a potentially disastrous line-up,

"Naw, chill dawg. This is for the free-ski."

*

MY LiFE*

"Nigga, I am sauced like... DUCK sauce!"

"I don't play, the only thing I play with is my words for the wordplay."

"See, this is the sh!t I'm talking about! These are my-- headphones. But this is not my-- listening device!"

"I just wana get high and die."

"Yea, Grandmaw. I get nasty."

"You started on your own nigga, aint nobody put the blunt to yo face!"

"Then go to a waffle house. They love waffles."

"He jus walk down the street. Boppin. Happy at nothing. He make you wanna do something good."

K- "Did I do it like Raven?"

D- "No. You did it prettier. And less huge."

"If I'm not mistaken, we only allow 8 points per game."

"Don't expect me back until I run outta clean draws."

*

You Like iT!*

"That's the tricky thing about herpes."

K- "What does a Pacman have to do with breast cancer?"

M- "Maybe the Pacman stands for something... like an acronym."

K- "...like what?"

M- "Please.... Answer....... Cancer."

T-"I wish I went to an all-girls school, son."

P- "Then you'd be a girl."

K-"Where is the shuttle??"

T-"It's a sh!ttle. That's what it is."

K-"Is he trying to get his muscleman on too?"

P-"Nah. He's just tryna get the fat away first. Gotta take it one step at a time."

"I choose no. If you were a Pokeman, you would be last."

A-"How do you wear a kufi?"

A-"Put it on yo head, nigga!"

"And your mirror makes love to me. It makes love to meeeeeeee!"

"This-- is how Henley is going to burn the fack down. Because of drunkards like us."

"Remember when Hitman got kicked out of school for stealing an overhead projector?"

"I'm not tryna be that nigga sellin the Champ hoodies."

"Oh, the strip is not poppin. I see white people!"

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHA!*

My Life.

K- "He has a dyke sister?"

A- "Yeah, she's veryyyyy dyke."

"Stop it. My home is on fire right now because of people like you."

"Yesterday, I wanted to kiss him. But I was sober!"

K- "Do they even go here?"

P- "Nah. they probably don't even believe in college."

K- "Did she answer my question??"

N- "No. You are now me. [singing] How does it feeeellllll?"

"I been in the Sidekick game for a minute. Grindin."

Z- "You know how you touch some boys' stomachs and they flinch?"

K- "Oh girl, he don't flinch!"

A- "Whenever my dad gets drunk, he just talks about all the b*tches he used to f.ck."

K- "Are your parents married?"

A- "...yeah."

"You could take my spit. No homo."

M- "Smooth Criminal is my favorite Michael Jackson song."

A- "Bad is my favorite Michael Jackson song."

K- "PYT is my favorite Michael Jackson song... for obvious reasons."

K- "We're good friends, me& God."

N- "Y'know what they say about friends. They turn into something more."

K- "Ewww, me& God, tho??"

N- "You can become a nun! Whaddaya think nuns are?? They're God's bishes!"

On Ginuwine's song So Anxious -- "I thought he was saying "softttt.... angellll...."

Z- "She's not that fat, is she?"

D- "I mean... she looks like she gets worse when she stands up."

"His feet longer than Jamaica Ave!"

T- "Don't touch me!"

K- "Why??"

T- "Because you're magical!"

*

The Drizzy Chronicles

K- "Biggie wasn't no thug! He went to private school!"

J- "Khrys, didn't you go to private school?"

K- "Cuz I got expelled!!"

"She aint even a badd Asian jawn! She ain't no Rush Hour Asian!"

"You wann' see me clap?"

"We're 19! We're cougars!"

"Do you wanna die??"

"You're just a wealth of... non-essential information, eh?"

"Your face... so round... so smooth... so pretty..."

"He seem like he would talk to me til the sun come up. Y'kno the young boys got staminaaaaaaa!"

"Your girlfriend is so pretty! You started going out with her when you started wearing your Yeezy's??"

K- "This is Smack City right here."

L- "And I'm the mayor."

"I was so fresh so clean! & I had nice dreams... if ykno whatI meannnnn."

T- "Can you ask him if I can have a cookie?"

B- "Can Tyler have a cookie?"

K- "Yea."

T- "... can you ask him if he can dip it in the milk... until it's soggy?"

"I don't really laugh. I just smile really loud."

"Watch your babies! I'm comin for them niggas soon as they can talk!"

i'm baaaaaackkkkkkkkkk*

GUEST BLOGGER: Runway J

So, Guest Blogger Week was actually supposed to be sometime in July, but.. let's just say it didn't quite pop off how I had hoped it would. Nevertheless, my main man Brooklyn aka Runway J gets it poppin in this article about fall fashion... what's haute, what's NAWT, and all that's in between... he even kicks a lil knowledge! So let's all take a page from Diddy & LET HiM BE GREAT! Hope you likey as much as I did ;) --->kaeskai outtttt*



With the advent of the whole D.O.A. Movement, I find it my duty as a Brooklynite to discuss other bad habits that should be pronounced dead. Before we know it, we will be back in school... which means more people to meet... more networking, more parties, more gear, more trends... and so on and so forth. Attending St. Johns University, I have seen a plethora* of trend- humping biters... with no sense of fashion, creativity, or identity...((I blame the music industry.. rappers in particular, for killing fashion))...nonetheless...this is where people like myself and my lil sis Boston thrive off of being unique and inventive. It's 2009 and we're going into fall...RIP to monogram aka all over print...u know all the G's, LV's, COACH logos all over the place, dead that shit. It don't deserve a casket. I do have a pair of summer 2006 Guccis with monogram print in the arsenal that I use sparingly; you can only do so if you have versatility in the closet. But I digress. I have a bit of helpful advice for all my college students who like the idea of being "IN" ...just follow the acronym K.I.S.S...KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID! ...or for my fashionably sound people, chic...fuk what it is, whether there's a logo or not...go with simple and get more out of it...it's kool to look like u get fly without thinking about it...it's not kool to look like you was in your room for 2 hours asking people what looks good and what doesn't...speaking of what's good and what's not...the song "Who's Real" comes to mind..and with that I must emphasize an important rule..DON'T WEAR FAKE GEAR!! If u kant afford it, don't worry about it...a well put- together Rocawear outfit is going to be way smoother than a fake pair of Guccis. Fake shit doesn't rock. Point-blank. Period. Furthermore ,I must also add that "swag" is a thing of the past...once a word white folk used to describe one's cool demeanour has now crawled into Harlem and spread out to all urban areas alike. The term has now been oversexxed...if one can only describe their persona with using "swag," all they're implying is they are weak- minded individuals swayed by the media...the only people who should have any influence over us are those with our best interest at heart or our role models who we should strive to be better than. It's just food for thought...my niggas get a plate.
*

I'm Wired UPPP!

VIBE Magazine is coming back! There is hope for my internship, after all! Does this mean VIBE Vixen is coming back? Where is Zanielle?? You ready? Let's go get 'em baby!*

Who ARE These People??

I haven't done one of these "quote" posts in a whileeeeee. I haven't even been properly documenting the ridiculous things people say! But there are some that you just never forget. For example...

"Damn, I wish I was more regular. Why does my face have to be so pretty... I can't use anybody's ID because I'm so badd."

"She's boring, Boston! Even texting her is boring! She doesn't even make me say LOL."

(in OJ Da Juiceman voice) "Turn the TV up til it can't go no louder. Turn the TV up til I run out of power!"

"Kyle, why do you hang out with her? She's such a grump. She pushes you around and tells you what to do."

"She irks me, tryna kick knowledge! Like, you aint true to this. You NEW to this!"

"Oh trust I ain't believe him then & I dont believe him now. I scoff at his oversized striped polos & his Target jeans. Get a haircut! Turn your swag up!"

"When should we tell him that he sucks as a rapper and should really start thinking about college?"

That's all folks*

QUESTiON OF THE DAY: Do You Ever Have One Of Those Days?

Lemme lay it out play by play, kiddos. It was Wednesday. I was planning on continuing my job hunt when my mother rushes into the bathroom where I was brushing my teeth & hands me the phone. Shazzam! Just like that, I have an interview! At Steve Madden! If you know me, you know I have been saying how badly I want this job since before I got home! Okay! So now of course, I must dress the part & bring myself down to Newbury by 4:30 to see the manager. I con Daddy Lartey into driving me to the spot, & I walk in with my head held high. I walk out with a job. This excites me to my core, so much so that I decide to treat myself to a bag of Snyders Dips, which, in case you don't know, are the most delicious chocolate covered pretzels in the WORLD. So I float on to 711, feeling good cuz I have a flyy new job & looking good cuz I feel good & my shoe game is mean as ever.. grrr. Hair blowing in the breeze & all that. Skin glistening all bronze-y & all that. Lip gloss poppin & all that.

While in line, a band of men walks in & one tells me I am beautiful. I smile. Now usually, I would shut homeboy down when he asked me to take down his number, but I entertained his small talk, however small, because he was so tru. Y'know how guys tell girls they're beautiful because they tryna sleep with 'em & we're not supposed to believe them? I believed homeboy. He wasn't lying. I felt beautiful. And even as I pretended to save his number and walked out to the 39, I was a wee bit grateful for shorty. See, I already knew I was hurtin 'em when I stepped out the OC; that was the idea... look good, bag the job. But sometimes, it feels good for somebody other than moi to appreciate my flyy. And if that sounds stuck up, you already know. Personal problem, bebe*

Lunchtime With Philly, Tre, & Grandpa Goddard

I hate to post two "quote" blogs back to back, but my friends were TOO funny yesterday. So here we go.

"I been playing Pokemon, I been BUSSiN ass!"

"I don't want a pit. They mean."
"They mean to everybody. Don't take it personal."

"When he gets drunk? Ugh, I be sooo happy for him!"

"I wanna look into my future. Like if I'ma be working a 9 to 5? My whole life? Tryna make ends meet? F*ck that."

"You be like "Oh my damn, what the sh*t!"'

On being drunk, but not to the point where you get "stuck."

"This is the line between the greatest... and being f*cked up. You gotta kiss the line. You can't be like "F*ck you, line!" No, you gotta f*ck wit the line."

On failing French class every semester:

"First semester, my father was like "Darren get that sh*t together." Second semester: "Darren, get that sh*t together, for real." Third semester, he was like, "that's not your sh*t. F*ck it."'

On niggas not having housing next year:

"It's gon be cold commuting from Manhattan to here everyday. Like, not even cold... like it could be hot outside but, in your heart? It's gon be cold."

*

Keepin it Trill...

"I thought I told you to die."

"We actually have an Extenze commercial break... So fellas, if ya feelin a little small? Kae Kae, if ya man's a little small..."

"No more Spin the Bottle. Now, your head will be spinning after you drink the bottle."

"He's like a walking... apartment building."

"Somebody's lookin a little... finished."

"Anybody wants to eat candies?!"

"Krystle! You can't be strong and wrong!"

"Awww, let's all get married. So we can forget what the hell happened!"

"I'm just not ready for it. I'm just not mature enough. Like, son, I know I'm not mature enought for it."

"What, for Henley, nigga??"

"I hate y'all askin azz niggas!"

Dani on the swine flu killing eses:

"Y'know, I don't like them Messykins all in my home... but when they in Messyco... I feel sorry. I like them. I feel sad for them."

"Twitter's only for real niggas. If you're not a real nigga, don't get a Twitter."

"Nah, at Rutgers we don't have any rules. Except for... don't die."

"It was hot... then it was breezy... it was hot and breezy."

"You look like somebody." "I know, I felt like somebody!"

"I almost took off my BCBG shoe and threw it at her! But it was BCBG."*

Kory Says...

Bad news, bros. I hear that Kory Campbell may be leaving me in NY next semester, and that means he will no longer be "saying." I am near tears! Who DOES this, Kory??? Anyway. Let's keep the spirits up for what may be the last Kory Says... =(

Dani- "All their weaves look good."

Kory- "Naw, f*ck no! Some b*tches weave looks terrible."

Dani- "Kory, you okay? You seem angry."

Kory- "Naw, man, I'm good. Why y'all keep askin me if I'm angry. I'm chillin! But if I am angry? Don't ask me. There's nothing that no one can do. It's in me. Only I can change my situation."

Deeeeeeeeep.

i MiSS HiM ALREADY!!!*

Top Five Reasons Girls Hate Us

An unfortunate experience outside the club this past weekend disturbed me to my core and made me realize that... jealousy is poisonous! I have never understood why girls have to be such venomous haters-- it's digusting! Taisha & I were discussing it, and came to the conclusion that our clique is the LAST group of girls ANYBODY should hate. We're very friendly. Tons of fun. We radiate positive energy from a mile away... who wouldn't love us? Hating azz byrds. These are the Top 5 reasons I feel like girls hate us.

1. We're cute. (If this sounds a lil cocky to you, that might be a self- esteem issue.) There are a gazillion beautiful girls in the world... I don't get why girls hate other girls for being pretty. Personally, I compliment my fellow flyy girls on the daily. These Hatin Azz Byrds (or HABs) would rather whisper amongst themselves about how cute we "think" we are. I'm sorry. I never walk out the house under the false impression that I am cute. It's never a matter of thinking. No matter what I have on, I know I'm fabulous. Hate on that!*

2. We're happy. HABs can't stand to see other girls smiling. It's like we offend them by having unGAWDLY amounts of fun. You ever sittin pretty with your clique, laughing so hard that your eyes begin to water & from your peripheral notice a girl looking at you with the stank face? Maybe if she wiped the scowl off her face, she would be a lil more happy with herself.

3. We're social butterflies. Because we're always happy and smiling and having unGAWDLY amounts of fun, people gravitate to us. We make friends very easily. And I'm not just saying this, people have been telling us all year that we are a "great group of girls" and that we're fun to be around. And there is nothing a HAB hates more than girls who get attention from boys. It's like we personally offend them every time a guy comes to sit with us. I don't apologize, you HAB. It's not my fault that I bring all the boys to the yard. *shrugs*

4. They think we're slores. Since we bring all the boys to the yard, HABs wonder why. Why do all the boys wanna be friends with us? Duh! We must be sleeping with 'em. Why else would they be showing so much love? The funny thing about this is that most HABs are sloring anyway. And men don't respect slores. Maybe if you kept your legs closed and intrigued them with your mind, you would get a lil more respect.

5. They wanna be us!*

I will leave you with this Chris Rock quote: You would think by now women would rule the world, but we don't. You know why? Women hate women.

For Your Entertainment*

"Hey sexy, do you remember me?"
"I was drunk!"
-Taisha giving a Strip whore the guns

"You look... not... straight."

"I think she's lying about having a boyfriend." "I think... she's lying about being a woman."

"F*ck you, Daddy! I'm goin to see Aunti Tai Tai!"

"Softball is not a real sport. It's a variation of a sport. That's like saying "My favorite sport is basketball in a wheelchair.'"

"I don't mix sh*t. I only mix liq with more liq. I'm not tryna have a drink, I'm tryna get f*cked up."

"Hell yea, I got a boyfriend! I just got 'im today!"

"Damn, you can ask before you put your foot in the same shoe my foot is in!"

"Wait. I saw the new Gucci sneakers I need in my life. They white. And green. With red shoestrings."

"I'm about to be blasted son! Blasted son!" "son. are you telling me because you know I wouldn't believe you otherwise?"

"As soon as he opens his mouth, it's just heaven."

"Don't try to be like "Five missed calls, I'm so popular!' No one likes you."

"Call on God! you'll never get a busy signal."

And on Popeye's Pay Day, there were a whole slew of quotes that deserve their own section:

"Niggas loaf a lot." "Not on chicken!"

"C'mon son, sell me a piece of chicken for a buck!"

"I don't want the leg unless you tell me I could have a leg cuz you like legs."

"Son that's tight! You swindled but I feel like I swindled. That's a super swindle! So you know what that means... Popeye's got swindled!"

The Rounds...

"I hate mosquitoes! They be havin diseases & sh*t."

"Last time time I checked it was a drought. They needed rain."

"So you guys know about about Lindsay Lohan's recent breakup with Samantha Ronson?" "Yes, she feels alone and confused."

"Who said that?" "Some old lady. She was big." "She sounded big."

"I think you swollened my pinky."

"Her jokes be dry. Needa throw them jokes in the water. Cough cough."

"I'm full of material. I'm like Home Depot."

"There's a recession.. in yo pocket."

Pro Tomes on the French Guy that climbs atop buildings for attention.

"He went on the World Trade Center years ago... when we had that."

"When I was high and I looked at him... I imagined a camel."

"Awww! Let's throw our fans up in the sky and wave them proudly!"

"When I was a baby, I ate real food. Nigga I was a person!"

"I would never pay for a go- go." "Me neither. I would never pay to get shot."

"His face annoys me." *

My Life!

Why.... must I cry? Again? How do I get myself in these retarded situations? Last night, the clique & I went on an adventure to nowhere. I mean, we were in Briarwood at like 1:00 a.m. being weirdos as usual. We had to sign our guests out by 12 because they were non- SJU students and this is how we almost died... thanks, Public Safety. We were chased by a gun- wielding Mexican named Maniac & his pit bulls. smh SMH! On a brighter note, we had funfunfun. Pure, unadulterated fun. I rather enjoyed myself, but the enjoyment was cut short. Oh well. There will always be next time...*

Kory Says...

On the Somalian pirates machete-ing all foreign ships in their waters:

"Them niggas are G's! Their leader? That nigga is gooned out. How the f*ck you pirate a ship... with a f*ckin rocket launcher??? A rocket launcher, where do you find those... (fades out) Wait til hood niggas get rocket launchers.. that'll be some sh*t. Nigga you don't have beef until you have a rocket launcher. Blowin up whole project buildings, niggas like "I wasn't even involved in this beef! I was chillin in my room!"'

On his childhood:

"Where I grew up is like, the best place to grow up. Niggas was like... hood as sh*t, but... we had no reason to be cuz we had like... big ass houses & sh*t."

And just for your entertainment:

"Yes it do yes it do yes it do, dawg!"

Kory, you are awesome*

You're Welcome.

"Didn't nobody get no raise. We in a recession!"

"Is it that hard to direct a Dipset video, though? You just go "Hey you niggas over there! Put the music on! Let's go!"'

"You got mad spaces between your paragraphs."
"Word. This joint spacious."

"Take some drink."

"Don't you know somebody that went to jail and became a lesbian?-- I mean a Muslim?"

Random Asian kids' conversation. I earhustled on my way to Carnesseca.
"They wanna dress like they're not fat but... it's really nasty."

"Whoa! I just got clooootheslined!"

"What do you wanna do when you grow up?"
"I'm tryna advise these niggas in Congress."

"I don't wanna go to Hell and kiss men all day."

"Is that a bag of people??"

"I love you but i hate you at the very same time!"

"Naw, he shot me. I got hurt. But I'm healthy now."

"Vampires, gays... they all suck."

"Ahhhh! Is it de end of de wurld??"
"No. It's just an airplane."

"Whoever invented the jumprope is the biggest swindler in the world!"*

QUESTiON OF THE DAY: When Are You Gonna Grow Up?!

In my eighteen years of life and CosmoGirl subscriptions, I have learned a thing or two about how to interact with the opposite sex. Things like "look into his eyes," "smile excessively," and "lean in and keep your voice level with his.. or lower" (LOL Tiff), and most importantly, never ever ever talk about your period. What?? I'm sorry, this may have been a rule in middle school, as the boys were still playing with Yu Gi Yo cards (I refuse to spell check that, so if I'm wrong, I'm wrong!) But I'm a college girl now, baby. I'm gonna need you not to whine "Ewwww" when I say, in my offhanded way, "I think my period's coming." All together, now. "Ewwwwww!" or "I'm eating!" Boy, I didn't say I had chlamydia! I didn't say that my genital warts were flaring up! There was nothing unnatural about my statement. Why do you feel queasy?? You don't have to deal with the killer cramps that keep you in bed two days in a row! Why are you losing your appetite? You are not the one who has to change tampon after tampon while simultaneously trying not to toss your cookies all over the bathroom floor! And if you plan to spend the rest of your days as a heterosexual male, I'm gonna need you to get acquainted to the fact that most people with a vagina have menstrual cycles... and if they didn't, then you would have something to worry about! I'm just tryna school you to the game. Cuz several years from now, when I am writhing in pain in the bed and my husband asks me what's wrong and I tell him "I think my period is coming," I may have to knock the DOG sh*t outta that man if he says "Ewwwww!" I dare you, I double dare you to even flinch, bruh. You will be a dundatta*

Kory Says...

I haven't posted a "Kory Says..." in a while, but that doesn't mean Kory hasn't been saying. I found this little lunchtime quote amusing.

"Wit a knife, you gotta be all gay & sh*t!"

You see, Kory doesn't believe in eating with a fork and knife. Apparently, this makes you a queer. I think I died listening to him explain why real men don't have table manners. You readers would get a kick out of it too, only I don't have a soundbyte. I really should start taping this man Kory tho.. he's the truth. *

You Know The Drill...

"My life hurts!"

"I was already hyped up because "What You Know About That" is ya girl's anthem. They should play that sh*t when I stroll down the street."

"No homo, I'm talking about meat, like... beef & sh*t."

"I don't wanna be like a... pen monger. Hoarding all the pens. Like "Ohhh, look at all my pens!"'

Fairy Godmother on giving your kids a bedtime:

"I don't give a sh*t if you are in there counting sheep or rehearsing "Rapper's Delight," I don't wanna see you until the morning."

"Mike, what the f*ck.... you superhuman!"

"It was like the Black family reunion onstage... I thought my mama was gonna be the next nigga spittin a verse!"

"Guys, what is our life about if we can't get on College Hill??"

I had to quote myself on that one. It was a serious question*

Who Wrote This Script?

I wanna place the blame on my Fairy Godmother for alerting me to this foolishness... you ain't right. I gave up on CW's "The Game" a looong time ago. Once I realized how long it was taking Derwin & Melanie to get back together, I quit. Yes, this show fills my sitcom quota for Black people and a laughtrack, but I like my Black people to be in love and happy... I don't need to watch the CW to see dysfunctional Black love. However, I am not averse to "The Game" reruns on a Saturday night because I LOVe Tasha Mack. She was the glimmer of hope in "The Game." Even if Derwin & Melanie couldn't get it together, Tasha Mack was always there with a slick comment and a snaking neck. But then she let her raw emotion take her over....
Umm...I can't front. I die when Irv jumps in.... "This is my jam!"





Who is responsible for this sh*t?!? I need an email address NOWwwww! *

I Love This Part!

The quotes get more and more remedial as the days go by... but who doesn't wanna make the blog?

"Black people! Black people! We will NOT take the point! It's NOT that serious!"

"I see cool sh*t and I think to myself "If I had a blog, I could post some of the cool sh*t I see."'

"She kinda looks like a snowman!"

"He had Nike boots on." "Of course he did."

Nicky on N.O.R.E.'s rapping style & why he couldn't be as successful as he used to be today:

"That's not like a bar or nothin, nigga. You just said "no" a bunch of times.'"

"What happened to her twin?"

"I haven't heard of her since. I doubt she's real."

Sometimes... when I'm texting... I wanna write a sad face. But that's GAY."

"I don't even feel like being on this EARTH right now."

"I wasn't stumbling! I was walking straight as sh*t! that's just how I party!"

I can post the quotes, but I can never make you understand the level of pure unintentional comedy each quote delivers. Follow me around for a week. You will DiE. Promise*

Poor Babies

In case you haven't realized while perusing the blog, my friends are kinda... special. I wonder if they say these things on purpose to make the blog, or if maybe they have always been retarded and I never noticed before because I didn't have a blog. Either way, they're keeping me alive.

"I'm just a Storm Card looking for a swipe."

"F*ck outta here, Boston! The street is my runway."

"Why'd you peel the crust off your pizza?"

"I just make choices in life."

Huh?

"Yo! I dun really care if it's cooked of not, man... we dun really have standards like that."

"How do you know so much about guns?"

"I'm from Egleston, son!"

"She like, destroyed y'all personalities!"

"I know how to get a Pepsi!"

"Ice cream cake? I love ice cream cake! It's like a big azz... chocolate rock."

"I just got some Cream E45 from Bermuda, so I'm gonna be a black stallion!"

"How are you cocky with no self- esteem?"

"I sound like a man, you don't hear me? I hope you didn't think that was my real voice!"

"You sound like a dryer. Not a dryer, but that sh*t y'all girls be puttin on your head to dry it."

"Naw... I be like... yeah."

"Man. Woman. BOOM!"

You Go, Girl!

Dani has been super duper heavy and profound since coming back from spring break... in Brooklyn. Don't get it twisted, the girl is deep on the regular. I mean, she regularly breaks out into spoken word in casual conversation. I'm just saying. Either she's on something, or she's tryna make the blog. Well, guess what, love?

Dani Says...

"I caught a cold once... because the world was dirty."

And when Nicky & Alan had their ignorant "good hair vs. bad hair b*tches" discussion, Dani swooped in with

"Love knows no texture."

Whew! Told y'all the girl is DEEP. Kory! You gotta come harder, bruh. Dani's comin for that number one spot! But I digress..

"Sounds like he's a whistler."

Teeheehee. That one was just for you & me, love*

Kory Says...

From the first time we met, Kory has not stopped to take a breath! He just rashes and rashes and rashes... and never gets tired.

On being Alan's "son": "Nobody can't father me, son. I'm ODB. Ol' Dirty Bastard. I am the father, son!"

On time- management: "And I try not to go to sleep cuz sleep is bullsh*t!"

I just feel like Kory should've been in the "Stanky Legg" video. Idk why.*

Quick Quotes

Curtis- "I bet you're one of those people that never gets a headache... cuz... you never act like you have a headache."

Alan- "Study high. take the test high. Get high scores."

Dani on her sprinkles- "It's an ice cream party! All are invited! All are invited! Brown, yellow, pink, blue..."

Alan- "I feel like.. nothing else in the world matters.. except for me eating these pancakes."

P.S. I am fully aware of the fact that nobody understands most of these quotes besides me. And I'm okay with that*

BAOw, BAOw, BAOw... In Circle Formation!

Am I the only one excited like a little kid at Christmas that Vibe Vixen is making a comeback?? I had just subscribed and received my first two issues last summer when Danyel Smith left a playa hanging. I was an avid Vixen reader... bookmarked the website and all. Every once in a while, I would peruse the site to see if anything new was poppin, and every time I was left with a sad face. Not this time! Woot woot*

Kory Says...

My friend Kory says some pretty ridiculous things... I should give him his own section

-On Will Smith's "Switch"-

"'Go 'head & buy the record?" He giving me more instructions & sh*t! Man, f*ck you! Let me live my life!"

"Smacktime" Quotes

Happy V-Day to all one of my followers! Before I K.O., here are a few quotes that made my night:

"My whole army will be here... we could fight the whole school!"

"And when I did go to philosophy? I was like... nah.... I don't believe none of that sh*t."

"Where the trophy at, where the trophy?"

I could go on but I'll spare all the losers who weren't a part of my night any further confusion.... those who were can guess who said what*

Take It 2 Another Level, No Passengers On My Plane... Fiiiirst*

I'm new at this whole blog thing, so I feel the need to provide my potential followers with a disclaimer. I blog about stuff that matters to me. I am very opinionated. Please do not feel any obligation to agree with me. But please understand that IDC! A wise woman once said:

"Arguing with me is like running in the Special Olympics-- Even if you win, you're still retarded."

Okay, so that "wise woman" was my bro Tiffani. So what? I thought it was an awesome quote. Now, let the games begin!

"BAOww" (pronounced Bow!) is a sound effect that I generally make a gazillion times a day. It started when I was about sixteen. My bros know. If one of us says something cute, it's "BAOww!" If you see a girl with an awesome weave, she gets a "BAOww!" If one of my friends looks extra delicious, I might give her a "BAOw, BAOw, BAOw," in circle formation, complete with snaps. (Think In Living Color's "Men On Books" skit) There's a lil gesture that goes along with it, but this isn't a vlog, people... use your imagination*