Tuesday, April 24, 2012

nigger cake.

this story turned my stomach. read more.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

the funnies.

K: chrissy should have a talk show.
J: yea. called "oprah."

J: she just gon BUY my school supplies!
K: why?
J: cuz. we're just friends like that.

J: i think men with macbook airs are gay. unless you have a macbook pro.
S: nigga why would i need TWO laptops??
J: cuz the macbook air is GAY!

"yknow what i hate about wraps? the 'just wrap' part."

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

L'oreal Voluminous False Fiber Lashes-- a review

arright, everybody shut up.
shut up!
i need a moment of silence for this AWESOME mascara i just stumbled upon in walgreens
im off in approximately 35 minutes, so im not even gonna delve into detail about how much i love walgreens & how all the cosmetics are virtually always BOGO or 50% off. i got this gem for like 4 dollars.

i know yall have seen gwen stefani's lashes just SiTTiNGGG in that new l'oreal commercial
& i needed mascara
& i remembered the commercial
& im not brand- loyal
& it was 4 dollars

so i got it *shrugs*

it was the best 4 dollars i ever spent, b
this mascara is everyyyyything.
i've learned what every makeup guru has known since the beginning of time-- the smaller the brush, the greater the potential for awesome lashes
less clumping, all lat
omg. it's everything.
i don't even bother breaking out the eyeliner for everyday, because i feel like it's too dramatic coupled with the way my lashes be sittin
everybody. go to walgreens & cop up

..okay. yall can talk again. *

Monday, December 5, 2011

jawnny says...*

"chris brown always looks like he can't contain his excitement. like he gon bust out in the cat daddy like "ineedtoDAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!"'

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

the funnies.

"lemme find out the system bumps! it was like i was in the car... when i was outside the car!"

"taisha sounded like a little kid just now. i thought it was elmo callin my phone."

"i like the part of the song when he says 'ass."'

"OMG i hate large groups of people tooo! like parades?? WTF is that???"

J- "i started a gratitude journal to thank God for all He has blessed me with."
K- "ewww, there's hair in my nostrils!"
J- "i actually have a beauty mark on the inside of one of my nostrils. i thank God it's not on the outside."

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Black men & their weave peeve

One of the most beautiful things about a Black woman is the innate ability she has to switch up her look at the drop of a hat (pun intended). We can wear our hair cropped, curly, braided, or bone straight-- all within the same month. Weaves and wigs have been stowed away in our arsenals for decades, aiding in our trendsetting, sometimes dramatic transformations. But with the emergence of the new "natural hair movement," it seems that Black men in particular are ready to see weaves gone for good.

I stopped relaxing my hair five years ago, when I was a sophomore in high school, and lemme keep it funky-- it was not "cool" to have natural hair when I started my journey. I was in the salon religiously every two weeks, flat ironing til I could see smoke, terrified of the slightest bit of morning fog or drizzle for fear my hair would revert. I cringed everytime my hairdresser would suggest I stop frying my strands and rock a 'fro. There were no natural hair meetups in my city. Nobody was offering me tips and tricks for the perfect twistout. Eventually, with help from sites like curlynikki.com and bglhonline.com, I became comfortable with my new 'do.

Oh, and nobody was particularly feelin my relaxer-less look, by the way. Whenever a guy tried to talk to me, I could see his eyes trail up from my face and land on my fauxhawk like, "She's pretty, but what's goin on with that HAIR?" Some of 'em were bold enough to tell me I would look better with straight hair. Even after I graduated high school and enrolled in college, it was all about a flawless sew- in. It seemed like men embraced weaves, even encouraged them. They became a status symbol. A good weave could take a plain Jane and transform her into the baddest chick on campus.

Fast- forward to 2011. Now that many Black women are choosing to forgo relaxers and flat irons, natural hair has become much more common. But does that mean that our weaved up sissys are no longer en vogue?? I often hear Black men bad- mouthing weaves. For some odd reason, many of them can't wrap their minds around the idea that a weave is not a sign of insecurity or a desire to look "white." The same guys who turned their noses up at my naps in high school are now preaching about how they love a "natural" woman-- nevermind their obsessions with Beyonce', Nicki Minaj, and Rihanna.

I was (and still am) fascinated by the power of a luscious weave. The longer and more dramatic, the better. Personally, if i could afford 30 inches of virgin hair, I would be gettin my Willow Smith on, too! Weave is no longer about tricking people into believing your real hair is honey blond and grazing your rear end. For most women, it's simply a new look, like wearing a different shade of lipstick. And as for the tree huggers who want their woman to be "all natural?" Next time a guy says something negative about your weave, do a Beyonce' hair flip and let him know that his opinion is neither required nor desired. #POW!

Monday, November 7, 2011

jawnny says...*

jawnny & i were having a conversation about what an underachiever i am... anddd then she brought the smoke:

K: i've been working out in the morning... eating breakfast... it doesn't matter. i always fall asleep in class.
J: omg, you're such a slacker.
K: bro, i have low iron!
J: bish, i be cold too! lemme get some iron pills & a doctor's note to fall asleep in class!

needless to say. i've been staying all the way awake.

Monday, October 17, 2011

eos lip balm-- a review*

last weekend was one of those weekends.
i stepped into walgreens & let OFF (i find that walgreens has a better selection & more sales than cvs. & im cheap like that. so i quit cvs. *shrugs*)
i got a whole slew of new playthings so i have a whole slew of reviews to write
and this is my first.
being that i was fresh out of my fave moisturizing lip balm (palmers cocoa butter stick) and it is getting cold & dry outside (hello!) iwas pressed to find a replacement girl.
okay, i had seen a girl in one of my classes rubbing this weird egg- shaped lip balm on and it fascinated me.
and when iread the packaging, there were all these key words that made me wanna buy it-- brand advertisers knowww how to get me. "all natural" "95 % organic" "shea butter"-- listen, i didnt even care that it cost twice as much as a normal lip balm, i needed that.
so the brand is called eos, which stands for the "evolution of smooth."
when i got that thang home, i was sooo excited. when i opened it up, it smelled like a delicious childhood memory (summer fruit scent). but when i first applied it, i was mad.
i like to be able to feel my lip balm when i rub my lips together. there was no residue. i dont expect  to be glossed- up from a balm, but i like a lil sheen. there was no sheen. iwas so mad. but my lips were veryyyy soft. they looked naked. it kinda grew on me doe.
then i had the bright idea to apply it after my lips were already moist. sometimes i rub olive oil on my lips while in the house (the air in my house is sooo dry), so i applied my eos on top of that & nothing really happened. then i thought-- if the balm is made of shea butter, maybe it needs to melt a lil bit. yknow how you have to melt shea butter in your hands before applying it to your hair or body? right.
so i left the balm on my windowsill, in direct sunlight while i took a nap. voila!
it went on smoother, and i could actually feel it when i rubbed my lips together.
iwas preaching about the goodness of eos all weekend.
and then i left mine at work. -_-
ooh, i was so mad!
& im such a germophobe that once i lose a lip balm? im NOT taking it back, even if somebody hand- delivers it to my door. idunno. ihave visions of somebody finding it and using it & me contracting herpes from it. blech.
but-- iliked the eos lip balm so much that iwent right back to walgreens the first thing tuesday morning & got a new one.
long story short, this lip balm makes me very happy.
the packaging is cutesy.
it smells like heaven.
it's 95 % organic
it tastes like candy
it will turn you into a smooth operator. smooooooooooove operator.
i think i just quit Palmers.
yup. im acting brand new.*

Saturday, October 8, 2011

things that upset me. 1st edition.

me & marshalls have majorrrr beef. 
there is a marshalls near my house. aaaand because of the neighborhood i live in, i never entertained the idea of going inside & looking around. i have walked past this marshalls at least 30 times this year alone (that doesn't seem like a lot, but when you factor in how rarely i leave the comfort of my home, it is indeed many a time). a week ago, my friend dragged me inside to help her find some room decor, and i was SHOCKED, to say the least, at how stacked the home section was! i immediately ditched her and began plotting my next room makeover... and found a stack of delicious, oversized, winter white fur pillows-- uh, HELLO! i lost it. i swore to the cashier that i would be back the next day to collect them.

okay, so it took me the whole weekend to pull my funds together for my room makeover. but to my delight, my pillows were still there, waiting for me. in my excitement, i just started throwing things in the cart. i needed curtains in a major way (my neighbors can stare directly into my bedroom), so i grabbed some cream jawns & a rod to put them up. 

whyyy did the bulb on one of the ends of my curtain rod shatter as soon as i popped the top of the package?
whyyyyy was there only one single curtain in the package?
yall should see my window right now. smh.
s'wild, B.

oh, and the kicker is-- in my haste, i seem to have misplaced (discarded of) my receipt. 
im still gonna make it do what it do, doe.
&ima take pictures &alladat when im done :-)