jawnny says...*

"chris brown always looks like he can't contain his excitement. like he gon bust out in the cat daddy like "ineedtoDAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!"'

the funnies.

"lemme find out the system bumps! it was like i was in the car... when i was outside the car!"

"taisha sounded like a little kid just now. i thought it was elmo callin my phone."

"i like the part of the song when he says 'ass."'

"OMG i hate large groups of people tooo! like parades?? WTF is that???"

J- "i started a gratitude journal to thank God for all He has blessed me with."
K- "ewww, there's hair in my nostrils!"
J- "i actually have a beauty mark on the inside of one of my nostrils. i thank God it's not on the outside."

Black men & their weave peeve

One of the most beautiful things about a Black woman is the innate ability she has to switch up her look at the drop of a hat (pun intended). We can wear our hair cropped, curly, braided, or bone straight-- all within the same month. Weaves and wigs have been stowed away in our arsenals for decades, aiding in our trendsetting, sometimes dramatic transformations. But with the emergence of the new "natural hair movement," it seems that Black men in particular are ready to see weaves gone for good.

I stopped relaxing my hair five years ago, when I was a sophomore in high school, and lemme keep it funky-- it was not "cool" to have natural hair when I started my journey. I was in the salon religiously every two weeks, flat ironing til I could see smoke, terrified of the slightest bit of morning fog or drizzle for fear my hair would revert. I cringed everytime my hairdresser would suggest I stop frying my strands and rock a 'fro. There were no natural hair meetups in my city. Nobody was offering me tips and tricks for the perfect twistout. Eventually, with help from sites like curlynikki.com and bglhonline.com, I became comfortable with my new 'do.

Oh, and nobody was particularly feelin my relaxer-less look, by the way. Whenever a guy tried to talk to me, I could see his eyes trail up from my face and land on my fauxhawk like, "She's pretty, but what's goin on with that HAIR?" Some of 'em were bold enough to tell me I would look better with straight hair. Even after I graduated high school and enrolled in college, it was all about a flawless sew- in. It seemed like men embraced weaves, even encouraged them. They became a status symbol. A good weave could take a plain Jane and transform her into the baddest chick on campus.

Fast- forward to 2011. Now that many Black women are choosing to forgo relaxers and flat irons, natural hair has become much more common. But does that mean that our weaved up sissys are no longer en vogue?? I often hear Black men bad- mouthing weaves. For some odd reason, many of them can't wrap their minds around the idea that a weave is not a sign of insecurity or a desire to look "white." The same guys who turned their noses up at my naps in high school are now preaching about how they love a "natural" woman-- nevermind their obsessions with Beyonce', Nicki Minaj, and Rihanna.

I was (and still am) fascinated by the power of a luscious weave. The longer and more dramatic, the better. Personally, if i could afford 30 inches of virgin hair, I would be gettin my Willow Smith on, too! Weave is no longer about tricking people into believing your real hair is honey blond and grazing your rear end. For most women, it's simply a new look, like wearing a different shade of lipstick. And as for the tree huggers who want their woman to be "all natural?" Next time a guy says something negative about your weave, do a Beyonce' hair flip and let him know that his opinion is neither required nor desired. #POW!

jawnny says...*

jawnny & i were having a conversation about what an underachiever i am... anddd then she brought the smoke:

K: i've been working out in the morning... eating breakfast... it doesn't matter. i always fall asleep in class.

J: omg, you're such a slacker.

K: bro, i have low iron!

J: bish, i be cold too! lemme get some iron pills & a doctor's note to fall asleep in class!

needless to say. i've been staying all the way awake.

eos lip balm-- a review*

last weekend was one of those weekends.
i stepped into walgreens & let OFF (i find that walgreens has a better selection & more sales than cvs. & im cheap like that. so i quit cvs. *shrugs*)
i got a whole slew of new playthings so i have a whole slew of reviews to write
and this is my first.
being that i was fresh out of my fave moisturizing lip balm (palmers cocoa butter stick) and it is getting cold & dry outside (hello!) iwas pressed to find a replacement girl.
FOUND HER!
okay, i had seen a girl in one of my classes rubbing this weird egg- shaped lip balm on and it fascinated me.
and when iread the packaging, there were all these key words that made me wanna buy it-- brand advertisers knowww how to get me. "all natural" "95 % organic" "shea butter"-- listen, i didnt even care that it cost twice as much as a normal lip balm, i needed that.
so the brand is called eos, which stands for the "evolution of smooth."
when i got that thang home, i was sooo excited. when i opened it up, it smelled like a delicious childhood memory (summer fruit scent). but when i first applied it, i was mad.
i like to be able to feel my lip balm when i rub my lips together. there was no residue. i dont expect  to be glossed- up from a balm, but i like a lil sheen. there was no sheen. iwas so mad. but my lips were veryyyy soft. they looked naked. it kinda grew on me doe.
then i had the bright idea to apply it after my lips were already moist. sometimes i rub olive oil on my lips while in the house (the air in my house is sooo dry), so i applied my eos on top of that & nothing really happened. then i thought-- if the balm is made of shea butter, maybe it needs to melt a lil bit. yknow how you have to melt shea butter in your hands before applying it to your hair or body? right.
so i left the balm on my windowsill, in direct sunlight while i took a nap. voila!
it went on smoother, and i could actually feel it when i rubbed my lips together.
iwas preaching about the goodness of eos all weekend.
and then i left mine at work. -_-
ooh, i was so mad!
& im such a germophobe that once i lose a lip balm? im NOT taking it back, even if somebody hand- delivers it to my door. idunno. ihave visions of somebody finding it and using it & me contracting herpes from it. blech.
but-- iliked the eos lip balm so much that iwent right back to walgreens the first thing tuesday morning & got a new one.
long story short, this lip balm makes me very happy.
the packaging is cutesy.
it smells like heaven.
it's 95 % organic
it tastes like candy
it will turn you into a smooth operator. smooooooooooove operator.
i think i just quit Palmers.
yup. im acting brand new.*

things that upset me. 1st edition.

me & marshalls have majorrrr beef. 

there is a marshalls near my house. aaaand because of the neighborhood i live in, i never entertained the idea of going inside & looking around. i have walked past this marshalls at least 30 times this year alone (that doesn't seem like a lot, but when you factor in how rarely i leave the comfort of my home, it is indeed many a time). a week ago, my friend dragged me inside to help her find some room decor, and i was SHOCKED, to say the least, at how stacked the home section was! i immediately ditched her and began plotting my next room makeover... and found a stack of delicious, oversized, winter white fur pillows-- uh, HELLO! i lost it. i swore to the cashier that i would be back the next day to collect them.

okay, so it took me the whole weekend to pull my funds together for my room makeover. but to my delight, my pillows were still there, waiting for me. in my excitement, i just started throwing things in the cart. i needed curtains in a major way (my neighbors can stare directly into my bedroom), so i grabbed some cream jawns & a rod to put them up. 

whyyy did the bulb on one of the ends of my curtain rod shatter as soon as i popped the top of the package?

whyyyyy was there only one single curtain in the package?

yall should see my window right now. smh.

s'wild, B.

oh, and the kicker is-- in my haste, i seem to have misplaced (discarded of) my receipt. 

im still gonna make it do what it do, doe.

&ima take pictures &alladat when im done :-)

ttyl*

the funnies.

*singing* "computer loveee, that's all i need/girl, press control alt deleteeeee..."

M-"oh, you mean the fat guy?"
S- "you think he's fat??"
M- "well. everybody's fat to me."

K- "what do he be rappin about?"
O- "he rap about like.. his team... his sneakers..."

K- "ithought you was on one."
S- "on what.. e? oh, yea i be rollin. imean-- i have rolled."

"Jesus Christ is Lord & i thank Him. He is so fun. i've never heard him play basketball, but He turned water into wine so He must be fun."

"dominique was tippin at an open bar!! she woke up like, "i think i lost money,' NO! you spent it on free things!"

"before i wake up, i'm dreaming about food. & that's how i know it's time to wake up."

"it was a raccoon on my porch! chillin! & it looked at ME like i was wrong!"

"you're an aquarius too? you and my cousin dewanda are just alike! do you like bacon? dewanda lovessss bacon, she will tweet "baconnnnn!!!' "

jawnny says...

"the dj nigga on wildin out bro? got on the craaaaziest polo sweater right now it's like a reaaaal horse wit a reaaaaal man on it!"

"God grew tired of us"

before you judge me, NO iwas NOT on worldstar. my brother sent me this vid & i found it soooo interesting (and hilarious) that i decided to post it. im actually about to try & find this whole documentary tonight... iwish i could find these PEOPLE &befriend them! anywaydoe.

thefunnies.

"ihad a dream he put his finger in my mouth nohomo. & iwas so angry! itried to bite it off. yea, he's definitely like the world's... biggest germ- haver."

"dom's birthday lasts for like 16 days or something weird like that. she be like "you not gon buy me a birthday drink?!" "dom, ya birthday is in 4 weeks!"

"nobody's tryna steal nicki's swag! she's a clown!! he was tryna throw shade like, 'hmm.. im pretty sure iremember you wanting a catsuit." imean, yeah nicki had a nice catusit buuut. i'm not like "ooh yea, im goin for dat nicki look!"

*watching NOW 39 commercial* "i like that song... ilike that song... ilike that song... damn. maybe ishould get that cd."

"it's aj's birthday & also this boy seth they both got the same birthday which is today."

ifeel like i'm goin blind when i close my eyes."

jawnny says...

"iLOVE tyler! when im around him, ijust wanna be like... "hi-eeee!!!" & smile & pet him!"*

don't call me a bitch.

iremember the first time iwas called a bitch.

i was 8 years old & ihad just come from playing in the schoolyard with my 3rd grade class. see, only a few of us were privileged to enjoy recess that day-- all the fresh kids had to stay instead & write lines. iwas especially pleased with myself because ihad outrun the cutest boy in the class-- we'll call him "jay"-- in tag.

weekend activities.

my weekend was filled with #dummymissions but i'm not mad at it.


well.


im not THAT* mad at it.



i stopped by the seaport block party for all of 25 minutes on saturday night (before galavanting off to an imaginary cookout... in 5-inch platforms. but i digress).

the funnies.

haven't blogged since thursday. i'm not even gonna discuss the fact that i've been locked out of my apartment for the past 25 hours because that's not important. what is important is that i'm back... albeit with very few quotes (mostly because ihad locked all my belongings -- including my phone-- in my apt. & therefore literally had nothing-- not even a sliver of paper-- on which i could scribble my quotes!) yes, i am outta breath from that run- on sentence. ugh, get thee beHiND me satan!

"she ALWAYS eatin hot dogs-- breakfast, lunch, dinner!! ... so istarted eatin em with her."

"iwonder if he looked through all my profile pictures. cuz if he did... he'sssss gonna be a lil disappointed cuz them thangs go back to freshman year. " -_-

 

"they don't even letchu reLAX whe you get a pedicure up here! like, can i put my feet in the water first?? damn! that's what i'm here for, to relax & let that jet of water beat against my feet!"

imOUTTAhere*

90's nick.

iveee been so wrapped up in 90's nick that i haven't ventured out to gather blog- worthy quotes all week. if you have cable & want to be reminded of how OLD you are, make sure you tune in to teen nick at midnight for All That, Kenan & Kel, Clarissa Explains it All, & Doug every weeknight. idunno when the lineup changes (or when they're gonna sprinkle a lil "my brother & me" in there) but ihave been getting misty- eyed every night. as soon as the beat drops & ihear "fresh out the box... look & watch!" i have an emotional breakdown. #memoriessss

p.s. if you don't have cable, or if you have cable but don't have teen nick, or if 12 is past your bedtime (as it is mine) click this link.*

flexi rods + natural hair... the good, the bad, & the ugly

thank GOD for the rain.in case you have central air or do not live in the northeast, it has been upwards of 100 degrees since about thursday. i had to resort to an all possicle diet & sleeping with frozen veggie packs at night. but i promised myself that i would try a flexi rod set this weekend & i was doing it... #byanymeansnecessary

stolengoods.

couldn't have said it better myself. but if i DiD say it... iwouldve said it juslikedat.

p.s. im about 2 years late. got this from my newest obsession (jessieadore) who got it from another lovely blogger (simone golden)*

the "N" word.

while perusing one of my long-time favorite blogs (curlynikki), i came across a post about the word "nappy." now, a lot of Black women feel some type of way about "nappy," esp. when people who are not Black (Don Imus, for instance) use it. iiiiii used to be one of those women.

as a Black child, there are SEVERAL things that you do NAWT want to be called, for many ignorant reasons. "UGLY." "nappy- headed." "African booty- scratcher." (as the child of a Ghanaian father, i already had one strike against me.) to me, nappy hair= ugly hair. & ugly hair= bad hair. therefore, nappy hair= BAD hair, & iwanted no parts of it. to be on the receiving end of such an insult was enough to end ya wholeeee elementary school career-- which my father had already done by singing onstage in front of the entire school when i was in kindergarten.

guest blogger- jawnny of "jawnny says..."

guess who! my bro jawnny has AWL the MAC, so ifigured she might as well break me off a lil guest blogger post.. disclaimer: you don't have to use MAC products. you would think they were paying us... they not doe. so let's get into it, shall we?*

jawnny says...*

jawnny- (reading a joke off a popsicle stick) "what do fish & music have in common?"

me- "ummm.... they both have scales?"

jawnny- (mouth drops&lowers her voice to a whisper) "how did you know that bro?"

me- "iii'm a musiciannnnn!"

jawnny- "... are you also a fisherman??" *

cheers to the weekend!

iiiiii jus wanna go on record as saying this was an EPiC weekend for me. my saturdays&sundays are generally quiet, isolated, & sleep- filled-- which ilook AWL the way forward to after a busy week of interning & working. this weekend, however, i caught up with

jawnny says...

"the haircare recipes on this siteeee! i've seen the light bro! i'm caring
for my weave in a whole new way now" *

mastering the art.

i am soooo essited to have finally conquered my turban. i mean, anybody can tie a scarf (esp. when you've been wrapping your hair at night upwards of 10 years), but with a huge scarf like mine (about 2 feet long) it can be challenging to get the shape you're looking for without the ends making a lumpy mess of your head creation.

now that i'm confident in my skills, ifeel like i need scarves in every color and texture to go with my summery ensembles while keeping the sun from turning my hair into a tumbleweed this summer. ( it's gonna be 97 tomorrow. i'm all set) i'm gonna try to do a picture tutorial before the weekend. ciao, bellas :-*

jawnny says...

so last night me & jawnny had a lil friendtime (over the phone, of course, as she refuses to step foot in my new home for reasons unbeknownst to moi *insert eye roll*) i had sent her this article from the fashion bomb (heyyy claire!) & we cackled&clowned for hours. which led into jawnny mourning over old nicki's disappearance & new nicki's ice- cream swirl wigs. icreeped her out by talking about all of new nicki's alter egos, & she immediately stopped me.

"bro chill. i'm in the kitchen alone & it's dark. iwould sh.t myself if i turned around & saw nicki minaj."

ps. im gonna wash her mouth out with soap, i promise. we gotta work on making these posts more "family- friendly"*

#amberalert

im on the prowl for these thangs right here. im half- embarassed because i've been trying to shed this covetous spirit (God no likey) but i feel like.. Father forgive me... iNEED these in my life! ican see us together in a plethora of delicious outfits this summer. i usually dont even get into Jessica Simpsons-- something about musicians becoming designers cheapens the product for me-- but iwill humble myself for these Dany platforms. iknow they come in an array of hues, but i only want the tan. & of course. there are no size 6s anywhere on the face of the web to be found. :-(

HELPME.*

jawnny says... the entertainment edition.

if you know me or if you know my blog. you know that ihave a bunch of people surrounding me. who say the most off the wall things-- generally without warning. i used to give sections to the most off the wall characters in my life, but they never really lasted. kory left me. cyro left me. i left daddy. sooo i have decided to title this section "jawnny says" because SHE will never leave me. & she's effing ridiculous smh.

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

K- will's mother is so cute.
J- yea. i jus wish she woulda raised her son.

Mary Poppins.

"i've never seen mary poppins. i know it's about some nanny bitch wit a umbrella, right?"

strangely enough. i've never heard a more succinct summation of mary poppins.*

CoverGirl lip perfection-- a review.

whew chile! *wipes forehead* during a recent trip to my local CVS (i find myself at those double doors at least thrice a week, even when i don't need anything), i stumbled across CoverGirl's new "Lip Perfection" line. i'd seen the lil commercials with drew barrymore & all the colorful lusciousness, but there is nothing like therealthing. even in my non- ambitious funk, i could not stop myself from picking up a couple tubes. they were a total mood- booster, btw. there's something about new, shiny things that just makes me feel all mushy inside. *smiles*

anywaydoe. i picked up a new yellow- based red lip "hot passion" (sounds a lil raunchy, i know) and the prettiest little purp thang, named "divine divine." 'tis quite divine. the application is smooth, the formula is nice&creamy, and the color selection is to die for (try not to make the mistake that i did at first, visiting a CVS in southside jamaica. they had been cleaned alllll the way out smh.) my only beef-- and it might not even be that big of an issue to some people-- is that once you put that color on, it is going NOWHERE fast. i scrubbed my lips with everything short of a brillo pad, and was still left with a purple tint for the rest of the day. all in all. once they restock that display? i'm goin ALL the way off!