don't call me a bitch.

iremember the first time iwas called a bitch.

i was 8 years old & ihad just come from playing in the schoolyard with my 3rd grade class. see, only a few of us were privileged to enjoy recess that day-- all the fresh kids had to stay instead & write lines. iwas especially pleased with myself because ihad outrun the cutest boy in the class-- we'll call him "jay"-- in tag.

it was time to go home, so iput my backpack on & stood in line waiting for my teacher to lead us out. the school bus kids sat at their desks & waited to be called. as i stood in line, the most popular girl in class-- we'll call her "dee"-- who was a school bus kid, got up & pretended to throw something away. she purposely bumped into me on her way to the trash barrel. "bitch," she mumbled under her breath. my eyes got big. on her way back, she pushed into me again. "stay away from my man, bitch." O_O

all this cuz her "man" (she was totally referring to "jay" btw) had chased me in tag. &thought i was cute. &had blown a kiss at me. okay, maybe she had a reason to be upset, but we were 8!! ifelt like the wind had been knocked outta me. iremember my eyes watering (iwas a sensitive child) & my teacher asking "what's going on over there?" isputtered, trying to explain that "dee" had just called me the unthinkable-- a word i had never heard in real life because nobody in my house used such language, but iknew i didn't like it. as i tried to explain, eliza, the class gossip (who ilook back on with pity because she had a lisp AN'D a stutter) jumped to defend "dee," lying and telling my teacher that i had used the "f-word." we were both scolded before iwas led outside to my brother who was waiting to walk me home.

when igot home, my father asked me what was wrong because iwas still upset. "dee called me a bitch," i sobbed. iremember my father telling me to stop crying, that iwas NOT a bitch, &that we didn't use that language in this house. iwiped my eyes & pulled it together.

&even though dee & i actually grew to be bff's by the end of the school year (go figure), ialways felt a way about the word "bitch." to this day, icringe when i hear it. in high school, where bitches reign supreme in the halls & city buses, iwas ready to fight about it. even when my friends tried to use it as a term of endearment, ialways took it personally. &even today, as a grown up *clears throat* iam quick to tell somebody to "watch their mouth" if they let a "bitch" slip around me. iknow women are supposed to be giving "bitch" a positive meaning like Black people did/do with "nigga" but ifeel like there are toooooo many other words that can be used to tell the world how boss you are. &somehow. ifail to see the correlation between all those positive things &a female dog. *shrugs*