Swiper No Swiping!

Now that I have a TV in my dorm, I like to do wild sh.t like leave it on allll night and wake up to it in the morning... now that's wild. Mostly it's because I can't sleep in silence. The house that I've lived in for 17 years of my life sits right in front of the Commuter Rail tracks. So when I'm at school, I let my fan blow on high, my gospel music blare out of my iPod dock, my heat burnnn at 78 degrees, and my TV on Nick@Nite. Usually I drift off into Dreamland with The Nanny and wake up to Dora the Explorer.

Now Dora blows me. Her voice is just so aggy! Most of the time she wakes me up before my alarm does. So I lay in bed, watching drowsily until it's time for me to get up. She sings songs about her backpack and her map. She repeats things a billion times. She takes long, unblinking pauses, waiting for me to answer her. But there is one thing about Dora the Explorer that fascinates me. Whenever adversity creeps into Dora's baby blue skies, she only has to say 3 words and the trouble retreats as suddenly as it arrived. "Swiper No Swiping!"

So I got to thinking. What if it was that simple in real life? What if I could tell my problems "Fall backkkk!" and they disappear? Cuz Swiper alllways leaves. As a matter of fact, he never gets past Dora and the lil monkey. They always peep and send him packing. But that's so unfair! In real life, things come out of nowhere and surprise you before you can address them and tell them to back back.

Now when I watch Dora, I feel like I'm going so hard because I'm both fascinated and disgusted by the ease with which Swiper comes and goes. I wanna write a letter to the producers and rash them for giving children everywhere false expectations of the real world. Swiper will invite himself in, kiddies, and more often than not, you won't see him coming! He just barges in, makes himself comfortable, and leaves when he FEELS like it. All you can do is pray he doesn't kill you. We can't all be Dora the Explorer. We only human, bro*