BAOww*

L'oreal Voluminous False Fiber Lashes-- a review

2012-01-24T17:34:00.000-08:00

arright, everybody shut up.
shut up!
i need a moment of silence for this AWESOME mascara i just stumbled upon in walgreens
im off in approximately 35 minutes, so im not even gonna delve into detail about how much i love walgreens & how all the cosmetics are virtually always BOGO or 50% off. i got this gem for like 4 dollars.

i know yall have seen gwen stefani's lashes just SiTTiNGGG in that new l'oreal commercial
& i needed mascara
& i remembered the commercial
& im not brand- loyal
& it was 4 dollars

so i got it *shrugs*

it was the best 4 dollars i ever spent, b
this mascara is everyyyyything.
i've learned what every makeup guru has known since the beginning of time-- the smaller the brush, the greater the potential for awesome lashes
less clumping, all lat
omg. it's everything.
i don't even bother breaking out the eyeliner for everyday, because i feel like it's too dramatic coupled with the way my lashes be sittin
everybody. go to walgreens & cop up

..okay. yall can talk again. *

jawnny says...*

2011-12-05T16:51:00.001-08:00

"chris brown always looks like he can't contain his excitement. like he gon bust out in the cat daddy like "ineedtoDAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!"'

the funnies.

2011-11-30T16:27:00.001-08:00

"lemme find out the system bumps! it was like i was in the car... when i was outside the car!"

"taisha sounded like a little kid just now. i thought it was elmo callin my phone."

"i like the part of the song when he says 'ass."'

"OMG i hate large groups of people tooo! like parades?? WTF is that???"

J- "i started a gratitude journal to thank God for all He has blessed me with."
K- "ewww, there's hair in my nostrils!"
J- "i actually have a beauty mark on the inside of one of my nostrils. i thank God it's not on the outside."

Black men & their weave peeve

2011-11-15T16:28:00.001-08:00

One of the most beautiful things about a Black woman is the innate ability she has to switch up her look at the drop of a hat (pun intended). We can wear our hair cropped, curly, braided, or bone straight-- all within the same month. Weaves and wigs have been stowed away in our arsenals for decades, aiding in our trendsetting, sometimes dramatic transformations. But with the emergence of the new "natural hair movement," it seems that Black men in particular are ready to see weaves gone for good.

I stopped relaxing my hair five years ago, when I was a sophomore in high school, and lemme keep it funky-- it was not "cool" to have natural hair when I started my journey. I was in the salon religiously every two weeks, flat ironing til I could see smoke, terrified of the slightest bit of morning fog or drizzle for fear my hair would revert. I cringed everytime my hairdresser would suggest I stop frying my strands and rock a 'fro. There were no natural hair meetups in my city. Nobody was offering me tips and tricks for the perfect twistout. Eventually, with help from sites like curlynikki.com and bglhonline.com, I became comfortable with my new 'do.

Oh, and nobody was particularly feelin my relaxer-less look, by the way. Whenever a guy tried to talk to me, I could see his eyes trail up from my face and land on my fauxhawk like, "She's pretty, but what's goin on with that HAIR?" Some of 'em were bold enough to tell me I would look better with straight hair. Even after I graduated high school and enrolled in college, it was all about a flawless sew- in. It seemed like men embraced weaves, even encouraged them. They became a status symbol. A good weave could take a plain Jane and transform her into the baddest chick on campus.

Fast- forward to 2011. Now that many Black women are choosing to forgo relaxers and flat irons, natural hair has become much more common. But does that mean that our weaved up sissys are no longer en vogue?? I often hear Black men bad- mouthing weaves. For some odd reason, many of them can't wrap their minds around the idea that a weave is not a sign of insecurity or a desire to look "white." The same guys who turned their noses up at my naps in high school are now preaching about how they love a "natural" woman-- nevermind their obsessions with Beyonce', Nicki Minaj, and Rihanna.

I was (and still am) fascinated by the power of a luscious weave. The longer and more dramatic, the better. Personally, if i could afford 30 inches of virgin hair, I would be gettin my Willow Smith on, too! Weave is no longer about tricking people into believing your real hair is honey blond and grazing your rear end. For most women, it's simply a new look, like wearing a different shade of lipstick. And as for the tree huggers who want their woman to be "all natural?" Next time a guy says something negative about your weave, do a Beyonce' hair flip and let him know that his opinion is neither required nor desired. #POW!

im givin out #BAOWwstamps...*

2011-11-08T16:21:00.000-08:00

jawnny says...*

2011-11-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

jawnny & i were having a conversation about what an underachiever i am... anddd then she brought the smoke:

K: i've been working out in the morning... eating breakfast... it doesn't matter. i always fall asleep in class.

J: omg, you're such a slacker.

K: bro, i have low iron!

J: bish, i be cold too! lemme get some iron pills & a doctor's note to fall asleep in class!

needless to say. i've been staying all the way awake.

eos lip balm-- a review*

2011-10-17T17:46:00.000-07:00

last weekend was one of those weekends.
i stepped into walgreens & let OFF (i find that walgreens has a better selection & more sales than cvs. & im cheap like that. so i quit cvs. *shrugs*)
i got a whole slew of new playthings so i have a whole slew of reviews to write
and this is my first.
being that i was fresh out of my fave moisturizing lip balm (palmers cocoa butter stick) and it is getting cold & dry outside (hello!) iwas pressed to find a replacement girl.
FOUND HER!
okay, i had seen a girl in one of my classes rubbing this weird egg- shaped lip balm on and it fascinated me.
and when iread the packaging, there were all these key words that made me wanna buy it-- brand advertisers knowww how to get me. "all natural" "95 % organic" "shea butter"-- listen, i didnt even care that it cost twice as much as a normal lip balm, i needed that.
so the brand is called eos, which stands for the "evolution of smooth."
when i got that thang home, i was sooo excited. when i opened it up, it smelled like a delicious childhood memory (summer fruit scent). but when i first applied it, i was mad.
i like to be able to feel my lip balm when i rub my lips together. there was no residue. i dont expect to be glossed- up from a balm, but i like a lil sheen. there was no sheen. iwas so mad. but my lips were veryyyy soft. they looked naked. it kinda grew on me doe.
then i had the bright idea to apply it after my lips were already moist. sometimes i rub olive oil on my lips while in the house (the air in my house is sooo dry), so i applied my eos on top of that & nothing really happened. then i thought-- if the balm is made of shea butter, maybe it needs to melt a lil bit. yknow how you have to melt shea butter in your hands before applying it to your hair or body? right.
so i left the balm on my windowsill, in direct sunlight while i took a nap. voila!
it went on smoother, and i could actually feel it when i rubbed my lips together.
iwas preaching about the goodness of eos all weekend.
and then i left mine at work. -_-
ooh, i was so mad!
& im such a germophobe that once i lose a lip balm? im NOT taking it back, even if somebody hand- delivers it to my door. idunno. ihave visions of somebody finding it and using it & me contracting herpes from it. blech.
but-- iliked the eos lip balm so much that iwent right back to walgreens the first thing tuesday morning & got a new one.
long story short, this lip balm makes me very happy.
the packaging is cutesy.
it smells like heaven.
it's 95 % organic
it tastes like candy
it will turn you into a smooth operator. smooooooooooove operator.
i think i just quit Palmers.
yup. im acting brand new.*

things that upset me. 1st edition.

2011-10-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

me & marshalls have majorrrr beef.

there is a marshalls near my house. aaaand because of the neighborhood i live in, i never entertained the idea of going inside & looking around. i have walked past this marshalls at least 30 times this year alone (that doesn't seem like a lot, but when you factor in how rarely i leave the comfort of my home, it is indeed many a time). a week ago, my friend dragged me inside to help her find some room decor, and i was SHOCKED, to say the least, at how stacked the home section was! i immediately ditched her and began plotting my next room makeover... and found a stack of delicious, oversized, winter white fur pillows-- uh, HELLO! i lost it. i swore to the cashier that i would be back the next day to collect them.

okay, so it took me the whole weekend to pull my funds together for my room makeover. but to my delight, my pillows were still there, waiting for me. in my excitement, i just started throwing things in the cart. i needed curtains in a major way (my neighbors can stare directly into my bedroom), so i grabbed some cream jawns & a rod to put them up.

whyyy did the bulb on one of the ends of my curtain rod shatter as soon as i popped the top of the package?

whyyyyy was there only one single curtain in the package?

yall should see my window right now. smh.

s'wild, B.

oh, and the kicker is-- in my haste, i seem to have misplaced (discarded of) my receipt.

im still gonna make it do what it do, doe.

&ima take pictures &alladat when im done :-)

ttyl*

preach on, sis*

2011-09-25T11:50:00.000-07:00

first of all, i will admit to openly stalking a few pretty girls via the tube. niceroundbrown is one a dem. *shrugs* so what? she's cutesy & she's fashionable & we would totally be friends in real life. if we knew each other. lemme move on; ifeel like im being judged. i promise im not a creep!
aaaanyway. i have dabbled in brown's outfit of the days and various other style videos, but when i stumbled upon this gem i was sooo impressed with the pure logic and rationale in this vid. it is soo rare in these "independent woman" days to hear a female who knows her role and isn't repulsed by the idea of being second- in command to a good man. and when she mentioned the Proverbs 31:10 wife?? mannn, listen. when i tell yall that Proverbs 31:10 is my favorite passage? i wanna BE that wife to my husband. i immediately emailed this video to my brother (iaccidentally sent it to my advertising professor first... that's gonna be awkward on monday :-/ ) with the caption "there is hope for you yet."
iknew i couldn't be the only one!
word up.

p.s.-- the part about the eagles?? was frickin powerful.

the funnies.

2011-09-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

*singing* "computer loveee, that's all i need/girl, press control alt deleteeeee..."

M-"oh, you mean the fat guy?"
S- "you think he's fat??"
M- "well. everybody's fat to me."

K- "what do he be rappin about?"
O- "he rap about like.. his team... his sneakers..."

K- "ithought you was on one."
S- "on what.. e? oh, yea i be rollin. imean-- i have rolled."

"Jesus Christ is Lord & i thank Him. He is so fun. i've never heard him play basketball, but He turned water into wine so He must be fun."

"dominique was tippin at an open bar!! she woke up like, "i think i lost money,' NO! you spent it on free things!"

"before i wake up, i'm dreaming about food. & that's how i know it's time to wake up."

"it was a raccoon on my porch! chillin! & it looked at ME like i was wrong!"

"you're an aquarius too? you and my cousin dewanda are just alike! do you like bacon? dewanda lovessss bacon, she will tweet "baconnnnn!!!' "

moms... we gotta do better.

2011-09-15T07:14:00.001-07:00

i promise these world star videos just hop up in my lap. i promiseee i don't go looking for them. ihadda watch this thang on mute (im currently struggling to stay awake in my financial management class) but it incensed meeeeee!!! why is she torturing this poor girl?? iknow what a relaxer burn feels like, and i imagine it to be even more excruciating once the water has relieved your sore scalp... aaaand then ya mom comes back around patting more relaxer into your wet burns. smh. iwanna set it on her.

OH! & my fave comment :

Betta straighten dat nappy shxt. I don't like da natural look. Soft n silky is wat n*ggaz like.

WAiT!! i lied. thissss is my fave:

how is she washing/rinsing her n a sink full of dishes

iwas thinking the sameeeee thing*

jawnny says...

2011-09-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

"the dj nigga on wildin out bro? got on the craaaaziest polo sweater right now it's like a reaaaal horse wit a reaaaaal man on it!"

guysssssss

2011-09-10T08:50:00.000-07:00

hiiii friendsies
hope everybody had a good first week of classes.. personally, im just tryna keep my head above water and buy as few books as possible while spending the least amount of yungmulahbby in st. john's cafeteria (sidebar- why did i pay 8.40 at subway for a foot long & an unbottled beverage?? AND it wasn't toasted??)
so currently im waiting for an important text &scratching one of those weird end- of- summer mosquito bites. last year i got one on my ankle. this year it's my toe.
i have a long day ahead of me helping backstage at a fashion show (not sure which designer yet), so ifigured it made sense to blog before igot too busy. or tired. this post is actually not about anything. i just missed BAOww.. feel like i've been cheating with vixen. but she don't even touch me like you [c] LeToya Luckett. iknow im good for it, so iwanted to assure you that i'm not falling off on posting! im tellin you. once fashion week is over, im all yours bby.
buuuuut that doesn't mean im blogging everyday doe. ican't be held to a schedule.. too impulsive for all lat. that's why school &work &normalcy are such a struggle for me.
ooh, & Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred (that thing aint no PLAYplay smh.) anywaydoe. im rambling. be back soon, guys :-*
kk ttyl

"God grew tired of us"

2011-08-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

before you judge me, NO iwas NOT on worldstar. my brother sent me this vid & i found it soooo interesting (and hilarious) that i decided to post it. im actually about to try & find this whole documentary tonight... iwish i could find these PEOPLE &befriend them! anywaydoe.

apologies.

2011-08-29T15:53:00.000-07:00

iknowiknowiknow.
i've been absento for far too long. iguess you could say iwas on "vacation."
so i'm back. hopefully starting school will slow me down a lil bit & i'll be more consistent with my blogging. but peep game. if you miss me? and i'm taking too long in between posts for your liking?? visit vibevixen.com & get into some articles because iiiiiiii am fresh off the heels of my fashion internship & jumping into a new relationship! yuuuup i'm a writer over at vixen now *dances*
all praises to the King.
peace.

thefunnies.

2011-08-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

"ihad a dream he put his finger in my mouth nohomo. & iwas so angry! itried to bite it off. yea, he's definitely like the world's... biggest germ- haver."

"dom's birthday lasts for like 16 days or something weird like that. she be like "you not gon buy me a birthday drink?!" "dom, ya birthday is in 4 weeks!"

"nobody's tryna steal nicki's swag! she's a clown!! he was tryna throw shade like, 'hmm.. im pretty sure iremember you wanting a catsuit." imean, yeah nicki had a nice catusit buuut. i'm not like "ooh yea, im goin for dat nicki look!"

*watching NOW 39 commercial* "i like that song... ilike that song... ilike that song... damn. maybe ishould get that cd."

"it's aj's birthday & also this boy seth they both got the same birthday which is today."

ifeel like i'm goin blind when i close my eyes."

you give me butterfliesssssss*

2011-08-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

'ello 'ello. this is completely random, but since im on a self- imposed exile to the couch (i am obsessed with lavender pine-sol & have been mopping profusely. currently waiting for my floors to dry), i decided to blog about something... uncomfortable, to say the least, that occured earlier.

iwas on the train home from harlem. over my ginormous headphones, i heard the melody of michael jackson's "butterflies" blaring through an invisible speaker. i turned to see a guy pop-locking to the beat. it took me a minute or two to realize that iwas privy to one of the mta's special performances. iturned away quickly-- not because he wasnt talented, but because ihave issues &can't help but cringe

at stuff like that. if you know me, you know that my embarrassment is not limited to myself, but extended, quite generously, to any poor soul who may need it. anyway, ol' boy is just a- dancing around up&down the aisle in between the seats &iam struggling to avert my eyes because idon't want to stare &be made a part of his performance. just as that throught crosses my mind, ilook up & notice that the whole train is staring in my direction. the dancer has indeed chosen me as his target &is now doing a snake-like moton with his body, pointing to me, &mouthing "...and iwish-that-i-could-be-with-youuuu toniiight..." smilin.

needless to say, iwas embarrassed. if you know me, you know that being singled out is one of my worst fears-- iget uncomfortable when people sing happy birthday to me. iwas mortified. gave him a tight- lipped smile & quickly looked down until he moonwalked away. &when he came around with his hat, soliciting donations?? iwas #outtathere*

jawnny says...

2011-08-07T12:27:00.000-07:00

"iLOVE tyler! when im around him, ijust wanna be like... "hi-eeee!!!" & smile & pet him!"*

don't call me a bitch.

2011-08-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

iremember the first time iwas called a bitch.

i was 8 years old & ihad just come from playing in the schoolyard with my 3rd grade class. see, only a few of us were privileged to enjoy recess that day-- all the fresh kids had to stay instead & write lines. iwas especially pleased with myself because ihad outrun the cutest boy in the class-- we'll call him "jay"-- in tag.

it was time to go home, so iput my backpack on & stood in line waiting for my teacher to lead us out. the school bus kids sat at their desks & waited to be called. as i stood in line, the most popular girl in class-- we'll call her "dee"-- who was a school bus kid, got up & pretended to throw something away. she purposely bumped into me on her way to the trash barrel. "bitch," she mumbled under her breath. my eyes got big. on her way back, she pushed into me again. "stay away from my man, bitch." O_O

all this cuz her "man" (she was totally referring to "jay" btw) had chased me in tag. &thought i was cute. &had blown a kiss at me. okay, maybe she had a reason to be upset, but we were 8!! ifelt like the wind had been knocked outta me. iremember my eyes watering (iwas a sensitive child) & my teacher asking "what's going on over there?" isputtered, trying to explain that "dee" had just called me the unthinkable-- a word i had never heard in real life because nobody in my house used such language, but iknew i didn't like it. as i tried to explain, eliza, the class gossip (who ilook back on with pity because she had a lisp AN'D a stutter) jumped to defend "dee," lying and telling my teacher that i had used the "f-word." we were both scolded before iwas led outside to my brother who was waiting to walk me home.

when igot home, my father asked me what was wrong because iwas still upset. "dee called me a bitch," i sobbed. iremember my father telling me to stop crying, that iwas NOT a bitch, &that we didn't use that language in this house. iwiped my eyes & pulled it together.

&even though dee & i actually grew to be bff's by the end of the school year (go figure), ialways felt a way about the word "bitch." to this day, icringe when i hear it. in high school, where bitches reign supreme in the halls & city buses, iwas ready to fight about it. even when my friends tried to use it as a term of endearment, ialways took it personally. &even today, as a grown up *clears throat* iam quick to tell somebody to "watch their mouth" if they let a "bitch" slip around me. iknow women are supposed to be giving "bitch" a positive meaning like Black people did/do with "nigga" but ifeel like there are toooooo many other words that can be used to tell the world how boss you are. &somehow. ifail to see the correlation between all those positive things &a female dog. *shrugs*

im givin out #BAOwwstamps..

2011-08-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

weekend activities.

2011-08-01T16:57:00.001-07:00

my weekend was filled with #dummymissions but i'm not mad at it.

well.

im not THAT* mad at it.

i stopped by the seaport block party for all of 25 minutes on saturday night (before galavanting off to an imaginary cookout... in 5-inch platforms. but i digress).

i got to see my friendsies, some of whom ihaven't seen in months. literally. *clears throat* tyler.

oh, & my hair turned out better this week. still working on getting my system alllll the way foolproof, but progress is progress.

excuse all the scary cat eyes... i have yet to find a good red- eye corrector app. &when i say "good," i really mean "free."

ttyl. *

the funnies.

2011-08-01T16:36:00.000-07:00

haven't blogged since thursday. i'm not even gonna discuss the fact that i've been locked out of my apartment for the past 25 hours because that's not important. what is important is that i'm back... albeit with very few quotes (mostly because ihad locked all my belongings -- including my phone-- in my apt. & therefore literally had nothing-- not even a sliver of paper-- on which i could scribble my quotes!) yes, i am outta breath from that run- on sentence. ugh, get thee beHiND me satan!

"she ALWAYS eatin hot dogs-- breakfast, lunch, dinner!! ... so istarted eatin em with her."

"iwonder if he looked through all my profile pictures. cuz if he did... he'sssss gonna be a lil disappointed cuz them thangs go back to freshman year. " -_-

"they don't even letchu reLAX whe you get a pedicure up here! like, can i put my feet in the water first?? damn! that's what i'm here for, to relax & let that jet of water beat against my feet!"

imOUTTAhere*

90's nick.

2011-07-28T10:59:00.001-07:00

iveee been so wrapped up in 90's nick that i haven't ventured out to gather blog- worthy quotes all week. if you have cable & want to be reminded of how OLD you are, make sure you tune in to teen nick at midnight for All That, Kenan & Kel, Clarissa Explains it All, & Doug every weeknight. idunno when the lineup changes (or when they're gonna sprinkle a lil "my brother & me" in there) but ihave been getting misty- eyed every night. as soon as the beat drops & ihear "fresh out the box... look & watch!" i have an emotional breakdown. #memoriessss

p.s. if you don't have cable, or if you have cable but don't have teen nick, or if 12 is past your bedtime (as it is mine) click this link.*

Revlon Grow Luscious Mascara-- a review.

2011-07-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

ihave a shopping addiction.

whenever i hit cvs, it is always a #mandownsituation.

i can get lost in those aisles, looking at things idon't need, calculating totals in my head & cringing when i get to the register because ialways end up spending more than i've calculated (i've always sucked at math).

anywaydoe. ihadn't done a major cvs trip in a while (yea, right) & ineeded a couple thangs so i decided to just stop by & see what looked good.

50 dollars later (yes, i rounded down to arrive at this total *hangs head in shame*) i came home to further explore my treasures. i'm actually a Maybelline Great Lash kinda girl (that classic pink&green tube) but i'd been hearing awesome things about Revlon's Grow Luscious Mascara, so i copped up. i've only used it twice, but i will say that iloveeee this mascara so far. my eyelashes are already kinda thick *bats 'em* so any old mascara will pretty much do it for me. however-- i am a majorrr raccoon-eye sufferer. throughout the course of the day, i get shinier & shinier. the oil on my face causes my mascara to smudge. that, coupled with my already dark under-eye circles (hereditary) MULTiPLiED by the summer's humidity?? #nobueno. i actually neverrr use mascara on my lower lashes for that very reason. Grow Luscious stays put, & is easily buildable, so icould have lashes to my eyebrows (if iwanted) without any clumping. don't worry. that's not what i want.

soooo, friends. if you are in the market for a new mascara, iwould definitely recommend Grow Luscious. haven't been using it long enough to comment on whether or not my eyelashes seem to be growing faster than usual, but it still gets a #BAOwwstamp.

p.s. debbie? go 'head on to cvs & grab a tube. you know you wanna ;-)

p.p.s. it even withstood my after- work siesta, which can be anywhere from 2 to 4 hours long! in the heat! i awoke bright eyed & bushy- tailed.. definitely a keeper.*

flexi rods + natural hair... the good, the bad, & the ugly

2011-07-24T15:21:00.001-07:00

thank GOD for the rain.in case you have central air or do not live in the northeast, it has been upwards of 100 degrees since about thursday. i had to resort to an all possicle diet & sleeping with frozen veggie packs at night. but i promised myself that i would try a flexi rod set this weekend & i was doing it... #byanymeansnecessary

my first attempt was thursday evening. i co-washed with a cheapie V05 condish, hot oiled with EVOO as usual, then used Giovanni Direct Leave- In & sealed with EVOO. islapped the flexis in using Bee Mine Curly Pudding. lemme explain why that was a fail. i failed to use a proper holding product to help "set" the set. it didn't dry properly & the EVOO left me with a greasy, undefined mess... it was just awl bad.

the next morning, iawoke at the crack o' dawn & trekked it to my local Walgreens (trying... and failing to beat the heat). i bought a lil tub of Organic Root Stimulator Twist & Lock gel, which i had heard was awesome for flexi rod sets. i co- washed again with V05 & detangled lightly in the shower (in 4 sections, as usual). then, i got #fancy & mixed a lil sour cream & lemon juice together & slapped that in my hair for about an hour. i read somewhere that the lactic acid in the sour cream paired with the citric acid of the lemon juice helps slam the cuticle of your hair shut-- resulting in smooth, shiny locks. i rinsed with freezing cold water & a little apple cider vinegar to further assist my cause.

&this time when i put the flexis in?? i made sure my hair was soaking wet, spraying the sections with a water/ACV mixture when they started to air-dry. i used a heaping amount of Twist& Lock gel & i sat under the dryer until i thought i was gonna pass out (it was unbearable in my apt). a couple sections in the back & sides didnt dry completely, so i left those flexis in until it was time for me to get ready to leave. my hair came out crunchy, but i separated the curls with a lil EVOO & let the humidity outside handle the rest. after a couple hours, my hair was soft again.

the flexis have been holding up pretty well, too. despite the heat wave, which i thought was gonna have the curls matted to my scalp when i woke up the next morning. ijust stuff my hair into a satin bonnet at night & voila! the only thing ithink im gonna do differently next time (besides using less gel) is make the sections a lil bigger. iended up using 60 flexi-rods-- 48 of the red & 12 of the orange. i like it because it's giving me more of a shrunken curly look, but idunno if im gonna have the patience to do that everyyyy week. we shall see.

ttyl.*

stolengoods.

2011-07-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

couldn't have said it better myself. but if i DiD say it... iwouldve said it juslikedat.

p.s. im about 2 years late. got this from my newest obsession (jessieadore) who got it from another lovely blogger (simone golden)*

bronze glamazon of the week.

2011-07-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

idunno how inever did a post about the lovely Brianna McCarthy but im doing one now. *sticks out tongue* in case you are not familiar, Brianna is a talented young artist whose paintings focus on beautiful women of color-- which, of course, i get AWL the way into. peep the scenery:

isn't she thebomb?? UGH

p.s. ireally wanted to add a "dotcom" to that, but after braxton family values... ithink that movement is a dundatta.*

bronze glamazon of the week-- revisited*

2011-07-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

oh! forgot to even tell yall

ibumped into june ambrose at saks last week.

she was so sweet! im not even stanning.

&she loved me *hugs self*

took my picture & alladat.

how essited was iiii when she tweeted it later on that evening?

even though ilook fat in the pic. ya win some, ya lose some *shrugs*

DiSCLAiMER.

2011-07-19T11:43:00.000-07:00

now let's get it all in perspective. no nas.

keepin it all the way 100... i am just your average female.

i would like to think i'm well- rounded & all, but a healthy 85% of my interests-- mymoneymyclothesmyhairmynails *hoodrat voice*-- are purely superficial.

damn this pagan society!

so in case you've been rockin with me since freshman year. &were wondering exactly when this shift from pure, unadulterated comedy to long posts on fashion&beauty occured.. yeah.

p.s. i do, however, plan to resume documenting all the funny things these people say! im all about a good laugh, bby*

thefunnies.

2011-07-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

K- "omg!! are you stalking me, you creep??"

D- "i'm not a creep. we're friends. it's not creepy when you're friends."

T-"who's at the door?"

D-"it's a light- skinned person! with eyes!"

"when popeye's had that chicken special... niggas was orderin 64 pieces, 72 pieces... anything with a multiple of 8."

S- "did you just put out fresh candy?"

A- "yes."

S- "aw, that's evil... thank you, though."

"sometimes, ithink i want contacts in my eyes. like cat eyes." *makes sessy face*

"i'm not abnormal. ijust have fantasies."*

the "N" word.

2011-07-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

while perusing one of my long-time favorite blogs (curlynikki), i came across a post about the word "nappy." now, a lot of Black women feel some type of way about "nappy," esp. when people who are not Black (Don Imus, for instance) use it. iiiiii used to be one of those women.

as a Black child, there are SEVERAL things that you do NAWT want to be called, for many ignorant reasons. "UGLY." "nappy- headed." "African booty- scratcher." (as the child of a Ghanaian father, i already had one strike against me.) to me, nappy hair= ugly hair. & ugly hair= bad hair. therefore, nappy hair= BAD hair, & iwanted no parts of it. to be on the receiving end of such an insult was enough to end ya wholeeee elementary school career-- which my father had already done by singing onstage in front of the entire school when i was in kindergarten.

in one of my nightly "look up random things on wikipedia" sessions, i discovered that the dictionary defines "nappy" as being "in small, tight curls; downy, kinky." & ithought about it. that seemed like a pretty accurate description of my hair. mattafact, that seemed like a pretty accurate description of most Black people's hair. nothing in the definition said i was an "African booty- scratcher" or "UGLY" or any other schoolyard insult. so why are Black women so against the word "nappy"?

upon doing further research, i learned that "nappy" was first used to describe the wool of a sheep. &ithought about it. sheep's wool-- before it is shaved & combed & woven into ya favorite Ralph Lauren sweater-- is thick... & curly... & fluffy. it's of a desirable texture. people like wool because it's soft & it keeps them warm. nobody ever says "ugh, look at her in that soft, warm, wooly-ass sweater!" nobody hurls it as an insult. people generally like wool. (unless they are allergic. &that's a whole nother argument.)

so personally, i am not offended by the word nappy. i use it quite loosely &it only has positive connotations in my mind. inotice that when i refer to my own hair as nappy, sometimes people try to "soften the blow" by saying things like "your hair's not even nappy... iLiKE your hair texture," as if there is nothing likeable about soft, downy, curly, thick, kinky hair. however, i am quick to correct them. this is one African booty- scratcher who is alll the way down with the "n" word. *

guest blogger- jawnny of "jawnny says..."

2011-07-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

guess who! my bro jawnny has AWL the MAC, so ifigured she might as well break me off a lil guest blogger post.. disclaimer: you don't have to use MAC products. you would think they were paying us... they not doe. so let's get into it, shall we?*

for a daytime summer look: throw on a basic tank, some trues, & platform sandals and you’re all set.

1. start with MAC Engraved Powerpoint eye pencil to line the upper&lower lid.

2. go over it with Rapid Penultimate eye liner (also by MAC) for a bolder POP.

3. apply Black Tied Velvet eye shadow (MAC) to the upper lid just above your liner to create an almost smoky effect

4. repeat step 3 the on the lower lid using Atlantic Blue eye shadow (MAC)

5. use your brush to fill in your eyelid using Rule eye shadow (MAC)

6. finish off this look with MAC’s Zoom Lash mascara in Lofty Brown and Dior Addict lipstick in #465 Singulier

for a bolder look: i don’t usually get into bright shadow and bright lips paired together, but this popped. a light hand will keep you from looking like a clown. keep your outfit simple; a solid maxi works.

1.start with MAC Engraved eye pencil on the upper&lower lids

2.go over it with MAC’s Rapid Penultimate eye liner, creating a bolder line on the upper lid.

3.using a smaller shadow brush, apply Atlantic Blue eye shadow from mid-way in between the liner on the lower lid and stroke outwards, creating a cat eye

4.grab a larger brush and starting from the inward corner of the upper lid, lightly apply the shadow. apply more pressure as you get closer to the line that you created on the bottom lid

5.use your finger tips to lightly smudge the blue shadow on the outward corners

6.finish by applying Maybelline New York Falsies Volum’ Express mascara

7. MOST importantly pleaseeee DAB on MAC’s Impassioned lipstick to avoid the clown lip. matte lipsticks are tricky like that-- don’t find out the hard way.

for a simple yet edgy look: (i had a mohawk so everythang was edgy lol) some distressed jeans&a black stiletto or platform. you can achieve this look using any brightly colored eye shadow. Electric Eel by MAC is my fave.

1.start with Maybelline New York Mineral Power Sunrise bronzer, lightly brushing it onto your t-zone

2.apply MAC Engraved ye pencil on your upper&lower lids

3. create a bold line using MAC’s Electric Eel eye shadow on your upper&lower lids

4.complete this look by applying MAC’s Blackout Zoom Lash mascara and Revlon’s Crème Lipstick in 640 Blackberry. you can finish with the lipgloss of your choice on top for an added sheen (i used Victoria’s Secret mint lip shine) MUAH!*

jawnny says...*

2011-07-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

jawnny- (reading a joke off a popsicle stick) "what do fish & music have in common?"

me- "ummm.... they both have scales?"

jawnny- (mouth drops&lowers her voice to a whisper) "how did you know that bro?"

me- "iii'm a musiciannnnn!"

jawnny- "... are you also a fisherman??" *

cheers to the weekend!

2011-07-05T18:51:00.000-07:00

iiiiii jus wanna go on record as saying this was an EPiC weekend for me. my saturdays&sundays are generally quiet, isolated, & sleep- filled-- which ilook AWL the way forward to after a busy week of interning & working. this weekend, however, i caught up with

a few girlfriends ihadn't hung out with for an unnatural amount of time (3 weeks or longer.. O_O) &gotinthesestreets. the highlight of my fun-filled weeked was a cool lil set @ ion studios (heyy, tisch!) on sunday night. my friendsies & i ate, sipped, & were merry as we worked the room, meeting&conversing with all kinds of intelligent people (heyy intelligent people!), then stopped by Cayenne lounge where we met some more interesting (&intoxicated) people. *sigh* networking can be sooo entertaining.*

green goodness-- a review.

2011-06-29T13:15:00.000-07:00

since school let out, iwill admit to having an abominable diet about... 75% of the time. especially since discovering a soul food restaurant ten minutes from my house that delivers! (either my heart just skipped a beat from excitement, or ineed to stop having soul food delivered.) every now & again, my guilt will force me to do something healthy, like buy a case of bottled water or do a couple jumping jacks.

recently, while perusing the produce section of my local grocer, istumbled across a familiar- looking bottle. it was none other than a Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness smoothie. when i say this is AA's go-to beverage? the last time i was home, there was nothing in the fridge but Green Goodness, milk, & the ever- present bag of almonds. since my green, leafy vegetable intake is at an all- time low, i bought a bottle.

now, i am the health- food critic of all health- food critics. iusually hateee smoothies, vegetable juices, & all that other foolishness. desperation was the force that led me to even try Green Goodness-- seriously, what else was i gonna drink? milk? *wrinkles nose* &after that first tentative sip, my eyebrows shot up in the air. it wasn't bad at all! mattafact, it was delicious. it's a lil thick in comparison to juice, but it goes down smooth (no weird vegetable chunks) & it tastes fruity enough to fool even the pickiest of taste buds *clears throat*

okay, all the superficiality aside, Green Goodness has a whole bunch of healthy stuff mixed in. off the top of my head, i can name broccoli, spinach, algae, wheat grass, and garlic. O_O

you should've seen my face when i read all the ingredients on the side of the bottle. icould barely tell (minus the slight aftertaste which can be remedied with a nice lil stick of gum.) these are foods everybody is supposed to be getting at least 5 servings of per day, but idont know anybody (besides AA) who gets more than 5 servings per week. ihighly recommend Green Goodness. especially if your diet is anything like mine. *hangs head in shame*

bronze glamazon of the week

2011-06-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

listen. since my break from pop culture, i haven't been listening to much of anything besides my trusty israel houghton, fred hammond, & joann rosario. (google!) &in my effort to flee sin & shame the devil, i trimmed the fat from my ipod... down to about 400 songs from 4000 O_O. OBviously i didn't trim carefully enough, as there is NO Amerie on my ipod! how heartbroken was i when i realized this yesterday at work? i almost left early because the pain was too much to bear.
no, i almost left early because iwas exhaused. but the Amerie thing didn't help matters much *shrugs*

buuut i digress. Amerie holds the coveted title of bronze glamazon of the week for no reason other than this song/video. it makes me wanna cry!!! "why don't we fall in love" was my first audio ringtone in the 10th grade! it will forever be one of the greatest summer songs of my lifetime because it brings me alll the way back to my 15/16 year- old self traipsing around boston with my friends & just being silly little girls. oh, to be young again. *sighs. then cries.*

p.s.- heard Amerie just got married btw. im sure her wedding pics are gorg*

jawnny says...

2011-06-29T07:01:00.000-07:00

"the haircare recipes on this siteeee! i've seen the light bro! i'm caring
for my weave in a whole new way now" *

smooveeeeeeeeeee

2011-06-25T19:40:00.000-07:00

icome from a family of soft-skinned women. literally, my mom and all of her sisters have skin that feels like velvet. ilike to imagine that the salt in the ocean kept them exfoliated growing up, only i know that doesn't make any sense.

now, i wouldn't say my skin is velvety soft. ilike to describe it as more of a satiny texture, but i'm working up to velvety. &Sabon's Dead Sea Salt Scrub is keeping me on that path.

let me first say this. you know that a scrub is serious business when it has dead sea salt in it. idunno what it is about the dead sea, but every scrub that i have ever used that contained dead sea salt has been miraculous, & Sabon's is no different. their scrub comes in an myriad of yummy scents (my favorite is lavender apple) &you can try them out by stepping foot in any Sabon store. they have big fountain sinks where you can scrub your hands before you decide which scent you're gonna purchase. &soft? your hands will feel like butter, bby. BUTTA.

now if you wanna go a more economical route, you can mix up your own scrub (like i do when i don't feel like dropping 30 dollars on a jar.) it's important to make exfoliation a part of your shower routine at LEAST 3 times a week if you wanna be your smoothest, softest, yummy-est self. so in between my sabon runs, i fill my cobalt jar with brown sugar & any random array of cold- pressed oils (grapeseed, hazelnut, extra virgin olive) & rub it on downnn, girl. remember that you don't literally have to "scrub" when using a scrub-- the salt, or in this case, sugar, is doing the work for you. use gentle, circular motions to slough off those dulling layers of dead skin. i like to do it before i soap up in the summertime so i look glowy, not greasy in my silks & linens. (after lathering your body in the winter, the oils in the scrub will help lock in the moisture of your shower.) smooth on a lil baby oil gel right out the tub& POW!

that'll do it to em, bby*

just because.

2011-06-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

mani.

pedi.

soul food.

frasier/proud family marathon.

freshly washed hair.

good conversation with someone i love.

today was a good day.

p.s.- that could be a haiku if it wasn't so long, right?

pps.- get into those paul smith frames i scored whilst on ze move with vibe fashion director adrien field-- #yummy. *

au naturale bby.

2011-06-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

whew! *wipes forehead*

it's been something like 2 weeks since my last post, but for once i was NAWT being lazy. technically ican't spill the beans just yet. but i've been puttin in TWORK.

anywaydoe. one of the reasons ilove summertime is the lil bronze glow it gives everyone. you don't have to lay out on ya porch all day or do too much. just schlepping to & from work will do it. &that means-- less makeup! seeing as ihave yet to master the art of foundation anyway, this is perfect for me. one of my favorite looks features hair pulled away from the face.. a Cleopatra cat eye... fresh, dewy skin (a lil sweep of highlighter never killed anybody either).. & a BARE lip. now, as the self- proclaimed empress of gloss, i am surprising even myself here. but, i've discovered that iget awlll (no spell check) the way into a bare, matte lip. (matte, not chapped.) nice lil fauxhawk or turban & a swipe of Lip Smackers watermelon lip balm? ooh yea baybeh, that'll do it to em.

p.s.- my pointy cat talons are GONE as of this morning. iwent &got a *gasp* NUDE mani! a lil square tip. mmh. ifeelfree. ican type at a nomal pace again. wipe the sleep out my eye without injuring myself. & idon't have to worry about cracking a nail everytime i reach into my hobo. it goes OFF, too. the color is essie's "sugar daddy." lol. word up.*

pps.- stole this pic from my girl over at britshar.com-- iwas so entranced with it that ibrought it to the nail salon with me as a reference lol. *

mastering the art.

2011-06-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

i am soooo essited to have finally conquered my turban. i mean, anybody can tie a scarf (esp. when you've been wrapping your hair at night upwards of 10 years), but with a huge scarf like mine (about 2 feet long) it can be challenging to get the shape you're looking for without the ends making a lumpy mess of your head creation.

now that i'm confident in my skills, ifeel like i need scarves in every color and texture to go with my summery ensembles while keeping the sun from turning my hair into a tumbleweed this summer. ( it's gonna be 97 tomorrow. i'm all set) i'm gonna try to do a picture tutorial before the weekend. ciao, bellas :-*

bronze glamazon of the week

2011-06-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

stylist extrordinaire June Ambrose. i would loveeeeee to see her book. i never get tired of her work & yknow i love a good turban (that's the africana in me). always chic, smooth, &more chic-- with a lil spunk thrown in for good measure. ihave YET to see her in a #fashionfail. just the perfect balance. of beauty brains & talent. stay dip in flyy girl fashion, are you up for the challenge? (TOLD yall iused to be a rapper! that's straight out the archives, too)*

jawnny says...

2011-06-08T07:47:00.000-07:00

so last night me & jawnny had a lil friendtime (over the phone, of course, as she refuses to step foot in my new home for reasons unbeknownst to moi *insert eye roll*) i had sent her this article from the fashion bomb (heyyy claire!) & we cackled&clowned for hours. which led into jawnny mourning over old nicki's disappearance & new nicki's ice- cream swirl wigs. icreeped her out by talking about all of new nicki's alter egos, & she immediately stopped me.

"bro chill. i'm in the kitchen alone & it's dark. iwould sh.t myself if i turned around & saw nicki minaj."

ps. im gonna wash her mouth out with soap, i promise. we gotta work on making these posts more "family- friendly"*

#earhustlin

2011-05-29T14:16:00.000-07:00

b- "whenever imake a certain face, i get these wrinkles in my forehead that my dad has & im like "oh my GAWD, am i gonna look like my dad when i get older?'"

a- "well, i've learned just to not move my face. don't be expressive."

p.p.s.

2011-05-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

i've denounced my denouncement of mirror pictures. *covers eyes*

the bathroom mirror @ the office just makes me SO happy. i've taken to documenting my days with mirror pics. so what? *rolls eyes*

btw-- DAWN OKORO is following BAOww *waves* hayyyy dawnnnn !*

colorisms.

2011-05-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

in light of my african studies project on skin bleaching, i have once again been immersing myself in the light- skinned vs. dark- skinned debate. ifind it interesting-- &tragic, of course-- that this is still a topic of discussion in 2011. (reading an article about Black women being the least physically attractive of all the races in Psychology Today only peaked my interest) so iwatched the trailer for "dark girls," a documentary detailing the negative treatment many dark- skinned Black women face almost completely at the hands of fellow Black people. (sadly, a few of the people interviewed attend the johnsies. so iwouldnt say it's a lack of education that leads to this self- hate.)

anywho, this preview got me to thinking about my personal experiences as a darker- skinned Black woman. i've never had anybody call me "tar baby" or "darkie," or been picked on in school for being dark- skinned. i've never had a guy i liked tell me iwasn't light enough for him. thank God i was blessed with parents who didn't place any value on skin color, so i've never felt any type of way about being brown. however, i have had male friends tell me iwas the darkest they'd go, or in other words, my skin color was the cutoff shade. any girl darker than me was unnacceptable.

as a woman, confidence is important. as a Black woman, it is essential to your survival. i've learned that once you accept yourself, everybody else has no choice but to follow suit. nobody can make me feel a way about the way i look without me allowing them to. just like there are people bleaching their skin to be lighter, there are people burning themselves in tanning salons because they want to be darker. &if God thought this was the best look for me, who am i to tell Him that this colored skin isn't pretty enough?

as far as guys go, iknow that with the brown-ness of my skin and the nappy-ness of my hair, iattract a different caliber of man. any man who approaches me has to be confident in himself because icommand that. iknow i'm Black. iknow my hair's nappy. iknow ihave big lips & wide hips. & a man who is insecure with himself won't want to be seen with me because people are gonna stare & point & talk. so if a guy says i'm too dark or is worried about me not having straight hair, that's more of a personal problem he's gonna have to deal with. i'm not worried about it. if he chooses a woman of another race because he thinks Black women are too loud or too ghetto or too whatever else they're saying these days, he can go. idon't want NOBODY who don't want me. that's foolish. so stop worrying about these brothers not loving the Black woman. AND?? they don't love themselves. &that's one less headache for us all.

ps. can ijust say i am s000o tired of women complaining about the lack of dark- skinned video hoes? yall worryin bout the WRONG things! why should we be fighting to be degraded :-/ #imallset*

allofthecreepers.

2011-05-25T08:58:00.000-07:00

i haven't done a "step your game up" post in years, mainly because they depress me & i no longer remember the foolishness that these men say to me. & to keep it funky, boston creepers were a lil more entertaining-- these new york creeps are just NASTY. but yesterday, on my way home, i realized a lil injustice in the creep game (& if ya know me, icannot STAND for injustice)-- the creeps let the white girls & the asian girls walk past unscathed, but then turn their wrath on me! &im not just talking about Black guy creeps. white guys do it, middle eastern guys-- an old white man stopped me like iwas a prostitute on the street the other day, & he HAD to be at LEAST 76 years old. i just wanna know... what about me says to the world that i welcome this type of harassment? cuzidont.

p.s.-- isearched for creepy man pictures on google. idon't actually know this person *

bday.

2011-05-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

i usually dont care about my birthday, but this year i stretched it out for as long as possible. it was my birthday alllll weekend. so what? im only gonna be 21 once *rolls eyes*

& thanks to a MAJOR wardrobe malfunction, im only gonna wear this romper once, too. eek. anywaydoe. ihad an awesome bday week with some awesome people. MUAH <3 *

GOD did it!

2011-05-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

things always seem to work out for me. not to brag or anything, but this is kind of a pattern in my life-- i want something. i procrastinate. i go after it. i forget about it. then #POW-- igetit! *50 cent voice* this is how it went when i applied to college. when i apply for most jobs. and this is how it went when i applied to be an intern at ViBE.

yes, ViBE.

ViBE magazine.

i came to new york imagining my life to be like angela simmons' in run's house. fashion, fabulosity, fun, & maybeeee a homework assignment every now & then. then i got here& it was a lot of fun. a lil bit of fabulousity. and a wholeeeee lot of work. UGH

this is how i operate: i have something to do. i know i have something to do. i procrastinate. then i hear people around me talking about what they've done. & ipanic. AHHHH!!! time to get on my job!! can't get left behind!! this is how it was applying to college. filling out my fafsa last week. and looking for an internship.

soooooooo i am proud to say that my panic fueled my internship search &today was my first day rippin&runnin at ViBE *dances*

i felt like anne hathaway in the devil wears prada. except everyone was really nice. &ididnt have the luxury of taking a cab everywhere. &my boss didnt give me a sidekick, thank God.

my feet. are killing me.

but it kinda feels good... it's the kinda pain that comes from making moves on your own *smirks* #BAOWw *

bronze glamazon of the week

2011-05-16T17:19:00.000-07:00

okay, istumbled upon this gorgeous style maven & her luscious hair while perusing the site of another blogger (naturalbelle) saturday night (yall know i like to surf the web before ifall asleep). anywho, her name is folake & she's the resident blogger over at stylepantry.com when i say fabulous?? *wipes forehead* im STiLL sifting through the looks on her website. she put together prints and colors that i either: a. would never think of, or b. would never DARE-- &somehow, they all look delicious. *scratches head* how do you get like that? you have to go visit her site to see what im talmbou. she pops.*

#amberalert

2011-05-16T16:26:00.000-07:00

im on the prowl for these thangs right here. im half- embarassed because i've been trying to shed this covetous spirit (God no likey) but i feel like.. Father forgive me... iNEED these in my life! ican see us together in a plethora of delicious outfits this summer. i usually dont even get into Jessica Simpsons-- something about musicians becoming designers cheapens the product for me-- but iwill humble myself for these Dany platforms. iknow they come in an array of hues, but i only want the tan. & of course. there are no size 6s anywhere on the face of the web to be found. :-(

HELPME.*

no man is worth paradise.

2011-05-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

you see i loved hard once

but the love wasnt returned

ifound out the man i'd die for, he wasnt even concerned

in time it turned, he tried to burn me like a perm

although my eyes saw the deception, my heart wouldnt let me learn

some dumb woman was i

everytime he lied he would cry & inside i died

my heart mustve died a thousand deaths

compared myself to toni braxton, thought i'd never catch my breath

nothing left

he stole the heart beating from my chest, i tried to call the cops

that type of thief they cant arrest

pain supressed

can lead to cardiac arrest, diamonds deserve diamonds but he convinced me i was worthless

when my people would protest, i told em mind they business

cuz my sh.t was complex,

more than just the sex

iwas blessed but coudnt feel it like when i was caressed

ispent nights clutching my breast, overwhelemed by God's test

iwas God's best, contemplating death with a gillette, but no man is ever worth the paradise

ooh, no man is ever worth the paradise

no man is ever worth the paradise manifest.*

the 30 day challenge

2011-05-03T07:21:00.001-07:00

i have a problem. that's the first step in ridding yourself of any addiction, ithink. & i can admit it-- i am wayyyy too attached to my phone. people always tell me this. my aunts joke about it when we're at family functions and idont look up from the screen for more than 5 minutes at a time. my friends usually dont notice becase their eyes are glued to their phones as well. but inotice. i fake lose my phone at least twice a day. in case you dunno nann bout dat, when you carry an oversized bag, your phone is not always at your fingertips. because your bag is so big, things get lost in it. this happens to me ALL the time. i have never REALLY lost my phone. but everytime i fake- lose my phone, my stomach starts doing backflips. iPANiC! my heart starts racing& ishut down ALL activity until im certain my phone is in my bag. &recently, it hit me. ihave a problem! there is no reason for me to feel naked when i forget my phone at home. that's a sickness! there is no reason for me to be walking around with my phone in my hand all day. im not callin nobody! &there is nooo reason for me to be bbm-ing when someone is trying to have a real conversation with me. that's rude! (unless im using my phone as a defense mechanism.) so, today, may 3rd 2011, im gonna challenge myself to stop being so attached to my phone. *crosses fingers* we'll see how this goes.

top 5 spring home essentials

2011-05-02T23:16:00.000-07:00

tonight's studying & midnight spring cleaning are the closest i will ever come to a full- blown all- nighter. i've tried. my boday just does NOT stay awake more than 12 hours at a time. but i digress.

one of my latent interests is interior design. every time i walk into marshalls, i have all these ideas for rooms i don't even have! but i must make do. here are my 5 must-haves for ze springtime*

1. a light, delicious fragrance. my faves are Sabon's Aroma Sticks in "Heaven" and Slatkin&Co.'s Lime Margarita candle.

2. some wall art! im stalking Dawn Okoro as you can probably tell. if i start saving my coins now, maybe i'll have a new painting in time for next spring. *side- eye*

3. a new bedset. im all for the cozy down comforters (i actually never sleep without one, even in the summertime) but during the day, fold those heavy quilts up & keep your sheets fresh. i even powder mine after every wash.

4. a floor pillow. nothing is more delicious than curling up on the floor with the sunlight streaming through your window & an awesome book. ipeeped a couple of them thangs on walmart.com... for under $20!

5. a speaker system. to blast some anita baker while you do your spring cleaning #DUH *

bronze glamazon of the week

2011-04-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

after watching Spike Lee's "X" for the 3874756548498365794859th time this weekend, i found myself stalking both my main man Malcolm and Betty on youtube, searching for speeches and interviews & anything else. Betty Shabazz was thebomb.edu for several reasons, with the most impressive being that she raised six daughters alone after Malcolm's assassination... &picked up a couple degrees on the way. &get into those lashes! such a #brownskinlady. s/o to Black Star. *

jawnny says... the entertainment edition.

2011-04-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

if you know me or if you know my blog. you know that ihave a bunch of people surrounding me. who say the most off the wall things-- generally without warning. i used to give sections to the most off the wall characters in my life, but they never really lasted. kory left me. cyro left me. i left daddy. sooo i have decided to title this section "jawnny says" because SHE will never leave me. & she's effing ridiculous smh.

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

K- will's mother is so cute.
J- yea. i jus wish she woulda raised her son.

Mary Poppins.

"i've never seen mary poppins. i know it's about some nanny bitch wit a umbrella, right?"

strangely enough. i've never heard a more succinct summation of mary poppins.*

pardon my french.

2011-04-25T16:03:00.000-07:00

sometimes, on a beautiful day. you have to escape the chaos that is your apartment. traipse on down to your local barnes&noble. & soak in some knowledge.

now of course, since i am a college student living in poverty, i don't have the funds to go purchase extracurricular books. &if i DiD have the funds, i'd probably use them on a new bedset. ralph lauren spring collection. red- tagged at marshalls. iknow my family reads my blog. imjustsayin.

so, i stole a book. translation: i perched myself on a stool between the shelves & read "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov cover to cover right there in the bookstore. don't judge me. &even though i went in thinking, "iknow EVERYthing there is to know about men. what can i possibly learn from this lady?" i came out enlightened. "bitch" does not mean what you think it means, in this book at least. it's written in a lighthearted, friendly tone... almost like i wrote it :-) i would definitely say this is a must- read for every heterosexual woman on the face of the earth. if the Lord sees fit to afflict me with children, my daughter totally has to read it by the time she is 18. AND do a book report-- ican't have my baby bein all stoopid in college, bringing shame to the family name &all.

well, idun wanna spoil this for you ladies (&nosy gentlemen) but iwill leave you with a quote that i la-la-LOVED from the first chapter. "if you catch yourself being modest or humble or any of that nonsense, correct the problem immediately." i <3 her. you can bet iwas back a couple days later, soaking up the sequel "Why Men Marry Bitches." &you can also bet that it was just as awesome.*

but wait...

2011-04-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

i've been searching for years to no avail. wherecanifindtheseearrings????? *

im NOT a badd bitch.

2011-04-19T15:43:00.000-07:00

i dun wanna be a "badd bitch" no maux. (pronounce that "mo'")

everytime i hear the word "badd" in reference to a female, i roll my eyes. everytime i hear the word "bitch" in reference to a female, i cringe. i don't like it! to me, there is nothing cute about being a "badd bitch." i blame hip hop. no seriously! hip hop has produced a whole generation of "independent women" (myself included) who subscribe to this whole "i am woman, get on your knees & bow DOWN, nigguh is you trickin or what??" philosophy of life. i'm not knocking you if that's how you live, but personally i will admit that i'm not built for that life. i do not have the drive nor the aggression it takes to be a "badd bitch." idont take it as a compliment... i prefer to be a beautiful woman. i like to feel like a man respects me, values me, & appreciates me. no shade. i'm just funny like that. *shrugs*

p.s.- does anybody else miss "Beam Me Up Scotty" Nicki??*

CoverGirl lip perfection-- a review.

2011-04-17T12:58:00.000-07:00

whew chile! *wipes forehead* during a recent trip to my local CVS (i find myself at those double doors at least thrice a week, even when i don't need anything), i stumbled across CoverGirl's new "Lip Perfection" line. i'd seen the lil commercials with drew barrymore & all the colorful lusciousness, but there is nothing like therealthing. even in my non- ambitious funk, i could not stop myself from picking up a couple tubes. they were a total mood- booster, btw. there's something about new, shiny things that just makes me feel all mushy inside. *smiles*

anywaydoe. i picked up a new yellow- based red lip "hot passion" (sounds a lil raunchy, i know) and the prettiest little purp thang, named "divine divine." 'tis quite divine. the application is smooth, the formula is nice&creamy, and the color selection is to die for (try not to make the mistake that i did at first, visiting a CVS in southside jamaica. they had been cleaned alllll the way out smh.) my only beef-- and it might not even be that big of an issue to some people-- is that once you put that color on, it is going NOWHERE fast. i scrubbed my lips with everything short of a brillo pad, and was still left with a purple tint for the rest of the day. all in all. once they restock that display? i'm goin ALL the way off!

growing pains.

2011-04-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

i dunno if it's the weather or PMS or if i'm going through a fake depression or WHAT but lately, my attitude has been wayyy too lax. iwouldn't call it a mood swing. more like a mood plateau. idont care about anything, im not interested in anything, idont get essited about anything-- except on mondays when chrissy lights up my life on "love&hip- hop"-- im just in a rut. iself- diagnosed myself last night, and this is what icame up with:

-mild case of cabin fever. ihaven't gotten cutesy & gone out since fall semester. ilove my apt, but ithink ihave an unhealthy attachment to my DVR.

-severe case of senioritis. im not even a senior. im just tired of school and ready to dip up outta hurr.

which is a problem because my number 1 issue is.... *drumroll*

-alarming lack of ambition! idunno if this is a phase or if im just a laze or if ishould be worried... but i am. i honestly have noooooo idea what i wanna do (besides songwriting). ihave so many unrelated interests!!! iblame God. in the most respectful way possible, of course. if He didn't make me so good at so many things, maybe iwouldnt be so confused :-(

anyway. im gonna pray on it. hopefully the weather breaks my plateau.

oh yeah, & im back guys. hayyyy *blows kisses*

kae is for #killlllll.....

2010-10-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

iiiiii no longer consider myself a blogger.

the combination of no wi-fi at home (where idevelop most of my brilliance) + my laziness = no blogging.

annawaydoe #nokatstacks. #allkatstacks.

in the past week, i have had an eSPLiFFany! (really an epiphany since idon't smoke. but "eSPLiFFany" just sounds cooler.)

iknowwhatiwannabewhenigrowup.

i know im late & all. im 20. junior in college. ishouldve had an idea of what i wanted to do before i graduated high school. but ididnt. *shrugs* sonj suggested my advertising major. itrust her. so im an advertising major. igot an A in my advertising class last semester. but icouldnt tell you a DAMN thing about advertising. ihave no idea about internships. the word "internship" gives me the heebie jeebies. ihave noo idea wtf iwould do in an advertising firm. the word "firm" also worries me. naturally, iworry that iwill graduate & end up working at stevie's until i am no longer cute enough to be a sales associate.

but thank GAWD for real housewives.

ihave decided. that iwanna be. a songwriter!!!!!!!

DUHHHHH, kae!

i've only been writing songs since i could write!

i only have six composition books full of em!

i only have to write ONE hit & live lavishly for the rest of my life off residuals!

..okay maybe not lavishly.
&maybe not the rest of my life.

but you get the point.

damn it feels good to be a gangster. #alllllgetoboyz*

yall kill me.

2010-08-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

"his mother's shoulders.... are soooo tall. she can hear her shoulders."

(rapping) "fat nigga dawg, aint eat nothin healthy. fat nigga dawg eat possicles an sum jellay bean."

"...i even tried on large romper and it didnt fit. i looked like a large idiot!"

"he's a feen. i know it. i always see him doin some feen sh.t. last time i seen him he had no shirt on... spongeb0b pajama pants... & he was ridin a bicycle."

can you draw a tramp stamp on me that says "Get like me, bitches" ?

jus when you thought it was safe to play...

2010-08-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

lemme just say THiS.....

it feels gooood to be online right now. since i moved in to my apt, i have been on an involuntary internet/cable fast-- i dun even know how i made it this far! so if you had given up on BAOww, i just wanna say

1. icantevenbemadatthat because ihave let my blog go sooooo many times.

& 2. immadatthat cuz you KNOWWWW i always bounce back. #shameonyou

&& since ive been gone for soo long... that means i got tonsss of #HOTsh!t #nonelly for the masses.... im not always there when you call. butimalwaysontime.*

Step Your Game Up!

2010-07-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

Wowwwwwwwww #flavorflavvoice.
thecreepers get OPENNN @ stevies. it's the new mattapan square. lemme lay out the background vocals.
it is very hot outside. a peculiar group enters stevies. amongst them is a short white man and his tall Black girlfriend. i know she is his girlfriend because they keep kissing and smiling at each other as if stevies is the most romantic place in the world. idontgetit. *insert confused face here* anywho, i shrug and go back to clowning customers with my manager. soon, whitey approaches us with a mens sandal in his hand.

W- my father's going to aruba for vacaton.. these would be good, right?
We agree.
W- yeah, i really like them.
M- you should just get them for yourself!
W- yeah... im just one of those kinda people. i like to do everything for everybody else.

then. he winked at me.
gross.

Bronze Glamazon Of The YEAR.*

2010-07-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

sonj. she's a Bronze goddess, bossy businesswoman, & the best mommy inthewholeworld. i wanna be just like her when i grow up. i only wanna to raise my kids half as well as she raised me & jaseface. she's the bombdotcom.

&nowshe'sgone.

R.i.P. sonj

iloveyou.*

Step Your Game Up!

2010-06-28T09:19:00.000-07:00

in every city, there's that one bus line. you know the one im talking about. it's always loud, it's always busy, &it's always fulllll of hoodrats. now, the 31 is not that bus. per se. the 31 is the creeper van. alllll the creepers use it as their primary means of travel, & you are guaranteed to witness or experience some trumpfoolery while minding your business. i used to have to be on guard at all times when i was younger, but now that im 20, i feel like im above all the 31 drama. in fact, i was just bbm- ing my bish debbie about how im no longer worried bout the creepers on the bus & what they might do to me.

K- im on the 31 LOL-ing

D- hahaha

careful for the creeps

they might take that as some kinda invitation

K- pshtttt

they dont even scurr me no more

im all grown

D- heyyy

and it was like she jinxed me. as soon as i typed that last sentence, some crackie sat beside me(ignoring all the empty seats) and started running his mouth (ignoring my big ass headphones). sidebar-- if you're grown... & you're getting on the bus... you can do nothing for me. don't be a groupie, keep it movin shawty.

B- are you texting?

K-....

B- be careful. ive seen people walk into trash cans and light posts! (chuckles. i can tell he thinks he's hilarious.)

K- (chuckles with him, hoping the end of this conversation is near.)

B- i don't mean to interrupt you but-- you are veryyy attractive!

K- thank you.

B- very attractive.

i don't remember exactly how he implied that he wanted to talk to me on the phone, but i saw him gesturing towards my berry. however, i have learned my lesson and told him i could take HiS number.

B- (leans in because he thinks everybody on the bus is gonna copy his number down & call him later) it's 617... 820... damn you look good!

K- ... thank you.

B- you smell good too.

K- (backing away) thank you.

B- so you gon call me tonight??

K- yup.

B- i mean, i've heard that before. people say that& they never call.

ooh, he was just iTCHiNG for my number! i was starting to feel like if i didnt get away from him, he would steal my phone & call himself from it. all the smart creeps know that move. so i got off the bus. & proceeded to bbm debbie.

K- Wowwwwwwww

soon as you said that, bro

i was accosted

D- Lmao
toldya

K- sh.t was scaryyy

Lmao

guess i'm not that grown. *

better late than never

2010-06-25T16:48:00.000-07:00

i know i'm late. like 2 years late. but-- this.video.killed.me!!! no #BlackonBlackcrime. now it's so coldddddd in the Bean.. burrr*

P.S. i'm not even gonna address the wonky way she "rides the beat" *covers eyes*... or her girlfriend in the cropped denim jacket doing the Bankhead bounce in the background.*

&now for some CONTROVERSY

2010-06-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

let me start off by stating that while i run my mouth from time to time about the trials&tribulations of being a woman, i am NOT a feminist. yes, i think it's terrible that women get paid less than men at the same position. yes, it blows me that there is a glass ceiling in the workplace that does not allow women to move up the professional ladder past a certain point. but in all honesty-- idontbelieveinequalitybetweenmenandwomen. *blinks deliberately, shrugs shoulders* i don't. & not because im an eristic. im realistic.

#ifeellike men and women are not supposed to be equal. that's why there are men and there are women. that's why women can have babies and men can't. in most cases. that's why men grow chest hair and women don't. in most cases. i don't wanna live in a world where men and women are held to the same standard. call me chauvinistic. i don't wanna be sued for sexual harassment for batting my eyelashes at the boss.

see, as a female, there are certain things you can get away with. close your eyes and imagine a cluster of men in an office admiring their female work associate's physique. they're pervs! now imagine a group of women doing the same to a man. they're not pervs-- they're women. it's innocent. can you imagine a woman being reprimanded by the boss for some simple sh.t like that?? that's why i think total equality with men is a stupid idea. there are certain things that men can do that women can't do. &that's okay. that's what makes a woman different from a man. no heterosexual man wants to be married to a woman who feels like they are completely equal. he may as well marry himself. what does she need him for??

this is problematic in the Black community because Black women are surpassing Black men in their professions-- which is fine-- but Black women are also finding it difficult to recognize that while it's okay to be a shark in the workplace, it is not okay to then come home and bite your man's head off because he expects you to cook, clean& wash everything no #madeagoestojail. it's okay to take care of your man and your home. women are nurturers. historically, before we started working, that was our only role. now we have careers and lives and that's a good thing. but the nurturer role is still very important because that's what separates us from men. men are supposed to be strong and rugged and protect their woman and their home. don't get me twisted-- im strong & all & i wanna be this powerful, successful force in whatever career i end up in. BUT-- im still gonna expect my man to kill spiders for me. *shrugs* that's how it's supposed to be. or at least that's how i see it.*

thefunnies.

2010-06-23T12:50:00.000-07:00

V- sharrice, where's my lighter?!

S- i dunno.

V- look for it!

S- i did i aint find it so i stopped lookin!

V- that's real. that's the realest sh.t i heard all day.

"something's fishy. smells like Legal Seafoods."

"have you been to Macy's lately?? INC got some sequins for dat AZZ!!!"

"i don't like headphones. that's why i don't have an iPod. "

"that bothers me. y'know what i mean?? like, my hair's not always done, but it always looks presentable to go out. wait, what am i talking about??? my hair's ALWAYS done! "

how do you GET like that??

2010-06-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

this is.
the cutest thing EVER!*

randomthoughts.

2010-06-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

#ifeellike people expect me to be a neo- soul songbird when they meet me because of my hair. then they hear me sing. & their dreams are shattered. *

Step Your Game Up!

2010-06-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

i deserve to be chokeslammed. where the Seattle cops @??

i broke ALL the rules & gave some #rahndamnigga my phone number. AFTER he did the wackestttttttt sh.t EVERRRRRRRRR! lemme lay out the background vocals.

it's blazing hip- hop & r&b out. iiiii am in my place of business. Stevie's, of course. on ze floor dolo. looking deliciously bright&summer-y, like a bag of Tropical Fruit Skittles. a handful of guys run up in Stevie's. strike one. any dude who would consider wearing Steve Maddens is out. sorry. the tall one picks up a stupid- looking sneaker & asks me "yea, what's the biggest size y'all carry?" he seems to be the ringleader. i didnt even think he was tryna be fresh cuz he didn't say it all loud& show- offy. & he was, after all, a big dude.

K- umm.. 12 or 13.. do you wanna see those in a 12?

B- nah, actually, i came in here for you.

K- (LOL-s, then brings it down to a light chuckle when she realizes B is not laughing. or smiling, for that matter.)

B- i'm serious.

K- ...oookay.

sidebar-- do niggas really do this in real life?? i felt like this was some t.i. "you can have whatever you like" video type sh.t.

to make a long, arduous story short, he comes back right as i'm getting ready to get off work & walks me a couple blocks. THEN-- i do the dumbest sh.t everrrrr &give him my number because i am boreddddd & figure he is harmless. *covers eyes*

he may have been harmless. but GAWD was he aggy!!!!! i'm honestly toooo embarassed to even copy down his endless and misspelled texts. i'm about to delete them all & pretend he never existed to save my dignity, but not before i write the dumb ass last text he sent me. after texting me allll day & receiving no response (iM sorry i have a job), he wrote:

B- is this where the pavement meets the dirt among us?

K-i honestly have no idea what that means. but you're going way too hard. if i don't text back, im busy. maybe you jus shouldnt text me anymore.

B-Lol i think you took my question out of context.

K-... youre still going too hard.

B- y ur starting trouble 4 all i sd is u took my question somewhere way 2 far. so i tell u what when ur more like the person i meant u give me a call or text

.... hewas27, btw. *

back like i forgot somethin.

2010-06-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (flavor flav voice)

i am thee worst. all that mess i talk about lazy bloggers!

i am the laziEST!

im back fareal this time tho.

ive seen what's out there.

stalked some other blogs.

even dabbled in wordpress.

#theygotnothingonyou bby.

<3 *

miss me, miss me, now ya gotta kiss meeeeeee*

2010-05-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

UGH!

My mackberry CRASHED last week. "KA- POW!"

it was bad, y'all.

But I'm back in business anddddd I'm getting ready to go home for the summer. I'm actually kinda... excited? *covers eyes*

ANYwho. when my berry crashed, i lost alll. the. funnies. i. had. in. my. memos. specifically. for BAOww!!!! WTF!

BUT-- the little Carrie Bradshaw that i am, i bounced back like a Slinky (remember those?)

so here yall go

"these lip rings make me feel like a saber- toothed tiger."

"did he just pull some duck sauce out his pocket? did he come strapped??"

"i could see me owning my own chain of liquor stores all across this fine country."

"i watched it sober & it was hilarious. then i watched it high, it was like.. so much deeper hilarity."

"you ever had tropicana valencia? it's made from valencia oranges. it's like the rolls royce of orange juice. it tastes like oranges but like it goes down like water. it's smooth. now im not tryna say my weed tastes like orange juice. but it's smooth, it's like... watersmoke."

"like forreal forreal, that sh.t gon be dead. like if i can't smoke a blunt while im partyin.. it's not a party."

"ew. why are they happening to me?"

D- kristen. your eyeball is glistening in the sunlight.

Y- duhhh bish, your eyeballs wet! *

R.i.P. Brother Malcolm

2010-04-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

One of the late great Malcolm X's assassins was paroled from prison yesterday. Thomas Hagan, the only man to confess to his role in the murder, has been imprisoned since 1966. The other two men who were involved in the shooting were released from prison in the 1980's and continue to claim their innocence. *

#RandomThought

2010-04-13T17:29:00.000-07:00

"simple girls always wanna try & turn the court jester into the King of Hearts. i tell these jokers "you are NOT in the royal court, sweetie. you are merely here to entertain&not much else."

MORAL OF THE STORY: stop wifing these heaux. know the difference between your jokers & your King (or Queen) & treat them accordingly. the only place a joker comes before a King (or Queen) is in the dictionary.

P.S.- yes i realize that i am no longer on twitsh.t. does that mean i can't continue to create my own trending topics? can i live?*

Bronze Glamazon Of The Week..*

2010-04-13T17:16:00.000-07:00

Michaela Angela Davis! Yea she can write her arse off & was the first fashion director for VIBE magazine (& y'all know how I feel about VIBE). She was the last editor- in- chief of Honey magazine. She was a celebrity stylist. But iiii fell in love with Michaela Angela Davis after watching "Hip- Hop vs. America II- Am I My Sister's Keeper?" She was just so flyy & so well- spoken& BRiLLiANT. And there's nothing better than a flyy Queen except a BRiLLiANT flyy Queen. Get familiar. She's the bombdotcom.*

Are You TRYiNG to Kill Me??*

2010-04-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

"They're both gay but I don't think that they're gay together. You know how I'm heterosexual. And you're heterosexual. But we're not heterosexual together. Cuz that would be gay."

C- Do you wanna drop ya numba off with me?

D- No. It's mine.

"Didn't I ask for ice?? I never had dry juice before."

"I can't win/I do sin cuz you know I am a hu-man!"

"He bout your height. No offense. But you know that's short for a nigga. You a giant for a woman."

K-You're an asshole.

P- I know. But you only live once.

"My mom can't cook but she can order the SH.T out a menu."

"... Is he even rhyming.. or is he just expressing his feelings on the beat?"

"UGH, they jus so sappy! 'Oh! This bish is my sunshine, this nigga's my moooon! I dun need NO stars when he around!"'

"If he had a tooth, I would talk to him."

"..and I was like 'Who want it right here?!" And I took my shirt off... I be likin to get naked when I fight."

"Don't call me a creep, we're friends, it's not creepy when we're friends."

"My name is Taisha/ I'm not a geisha, I'm not from Asia!"

B- I can't WAiT to get home! I'm a tell Mommy to have awhole pan of chicken waitin for me!
S- I'm a tell my mom to have the Jamaican food on deck, y'kno.

M- Yea, I'ma tell my mom... order somethin.

"You Gots ta Forgive A Bish, Big Red!" *

2010-04-13T16:31:00.000-07:00

Don't rash me, lovers. I promise I am not one of those bloggers! I admit-- I'm very lazy. But that's not why I blog so sporadically. I think I have problem. I be wantin to just go ham-- spill the beans on all the stupid fruity crazy ish goin on in my life [c] cuzin OJ. Only the practical, introverted half of me-- the side that keeps me from letting people get all in my world& ish-- is tellin me "noooooo!" My bro MeMe has been telling me this forever but I have finally come to realize that ihaveintimacyissues. *covers eyes* But then again, my left brain thinks that maybe that's not a bad thing. I don't know who's creeping on me! (Sidebar-- my "A" key is on strike, I guess. Y'all know I can spell & gramaticize my ass off. Even though I think I just made "gramaticize" up. So don't judge me if you peep some errors. I'm tryna be vigilant & catch em all myself, but sometimes my short attention span keeps me from properly editing my work.) Anywho. I'ma work on blogging a lil more often. I got a lot to say, after all. (Another sidebar. This white boy to my right is staring me downnn with the eyes of justice. I just said "hi" to mke it a lil less awk. Fail.) TTYL bebes*

P.S.- If you recognize the title of this post from your hoodrat days of reading Triple Crown Productions such as "Chyna Black"?? We belong togetherrrrrr [c] Mariah*

cYrO Says..

2010-04-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

"Man I wish I had bread. If I had bread, I'd be a stupid sneakerhead. My sneaker game be stupid icy. BUT-- I don't have bread." *

Bronze Glamazon Of The Week..*

2010-03-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

Phyllis Hyman! First of all, she was so before her time. She was def ze baddest chick. If she were still around, she'd #killbishesleavetheybodayinzebayou (no Nick.) But besides being GORG, she could saaaaaang. I get goosebumps when her voice comes on the iTouch... all deep & husky. Her riffs are quazy. She was jus the bombdotcom and she reminds me of Aunti Kimi, so I feel like I know her. R.I.P Aunti Phyllis. Ughhh just look at her! Even if she couldn't saaaaang, she was sooo poppin!*

QUESTiON OF THE DAY: Are You Accomodating Mr. Intentional?

2010-03-24T09:41:00.000-07:00

I admit. I am, from time to time, guilty of foolery. I have been the girl who listens to her friend ramble on and on about somebody who is no good for them. I always try to keep it 110%. I'm not a CB-er, but I'm also not a liar. If I think it's a mistake, I don't hold my tongue. I am not in the business of supporting mistakes. And I think-- no, I KNOW-- that when you have to ask somebody else's opinion, then you already know there's a problem. See, when I'm confident that I'm doing something right, I don't need to hear what you think. I might listen to what you have to say, just because I value your opinion, but I already know what I'm gonna do. But if I have to second- guess myself... I already know I need to step back. And I'm preaching to myself as well as my 12 followers-- true story. Now, y'know I like to pretend I'm Lauryn for at least 30 minutes five times a week. SO Mr. Intentional has been on repeat, just hitting me right in my spirit. And this verse is literally singing my life, no #killingmesoftly. Peep.

"we give rise to ego

by being insecure

the advice that we go

desperately searching for

subconscious efforts

to support our paramour

to engage in denial

to admit we're immature

validating lies.... mr. intentional"

Ow! that sh.t hurt. so don't eff around. c.Waka

Bronze Glamazon of the Week

2010-03-10T18:09:00.000-08:00

"you can have them bimbos, I keep my women like Flo Jo!" (svank yu, Sir Mix-A-Lot.) Yeah she was superfast& all lat, but she was also fabulous. I remember cutting strips of paper and making my brother tape them to my fingertips so that I could pretend that I had Flo Jo nails. Ooh, she had her fierce cat eye liner and long-ass ponytail and the cutout bodysuits... she was sooooo FLYY RIP Flo... now she was a baddassbro!*

Sonnayyyy!*

2010-03-09T11:02:00.000-08:00

"Muff in the gym... just seems like... a lie."

"Bro the dude at BCBG blew my spot uppp like 'I remember you, you came in here with your boyfriend to buy those shoes!" I wanted to pull him to the side like "Listen. You may see me in here with a barrage of niggas.'"

"He got so high he started crying. He couldn't hold his feelings in."

"All these random days of working out aint gon do sh.t! We gotta be consistent!"

"The only way we're winning is if we play perfect and they play terrible. We need both to happen at the same time."

KB-Everybody on the dance team doesn't like her.

K-Everybody in Haraya doesn't like her.

KB- Everybody in the world doesn't like her.

"She pees like a 7- year old boy-- such vigor!"

"Day 26 is now Day 25"

"I was sitting in his room and he was eating a muffin and he got a little bit of muffin in my hair and he said, "Wait a minute. You got a lil muffin in your hair.'"

M-Maybe if I think real hard, he'll text me!

S-Wait. Did she just try to use telekinesis to get somebody to text her??

"Somebody keeps asking me Tanya questions on formspring. I'm starting to think it's Tanya."

S-Them beans gon set your asshole on fire.

D-Nuh- uh! Food doesn't make me poop.

A-Would you tell your girlfriend if somebody sucked your dick while you were unconscious?

M- Somebody wants to suck your dick while you're unconscious??

K-Noooo, that's how rumors get started.

I- He WANTS you to start that rumor.

MJ-Why would I want people to think somebody sucked my dick while I was unconscious?!

I- ... You see how loud he said that?

"That's my friggin motto.. stack chips or die! If you don't stack chips-- DiE!"

"Kae, you could never be wack in my book. Now if you came in a Makaveli jean suit... maybe."

"That's your calling in life. Cuz I just called it."

i Got Myself A Sponsor!*

2010-03-09T10:49:00.000-08:00

Ooh it's so pretty out! (happy Soul Sis??) I am just inspired to clean my whole house in cheeksters& a white V... smh. Speaking of which, one of my favorite songs to clean to, "Sponsor," has a video!!! Yay! I like Teairra, even if she does mouth all Gucci's words and stare blankly into the screen all scary. I mean.. she looks like ME when I'm listening to the song & pretending to be in the video LOL. But anyway. This is my anthem. leggo *grabs swiffer*

Bronze Glamazon of the Week

2010-03-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

I have been vibinnnggggg to Lauryn Hill's MTV Unplugged alll week and it is ministering to my soulllllllll! Especially "Peace of Mind." I'm SURE my roommates are sick of me belting it out five times a day. Anyway, I did a YouTube search for Lauryn & just fell back in LOVE with her! I mean like deep, heartfelt LOVE. I don't remember ever having fallen out of love with her, but I think I kinda just.... forgot about her (shame on me). But I miss her!!! I get so sad when I watch her live performances. I feel like I know her, like she's my cousin or something.

And she's fackin GORGEOUS smhhhh ! Call me bby!*

Step Your Game Up!

2010-03-02T16:15:00.000-08:00

UGH! I have a stalker. He's prolly following this blog on the lowest of the lows as he seems to know my every friggin move and I run into him at every friggin turn! (BTW this boy in my class just said "dreadful." Stop right there, oldhead.) This is how it happened. Niggas was at the club. Niggas had to wait for their ride& thangs. While we waited, I was so privileged to be talked to DEATH by some stranger who apparently attends my school. When he requested my number, I gave it to him. Not because I liked him or wanted him to call me, In fact, it was the exact OPPOSiTE. Only since I was tryna be super duper cute, I did not have on the proper attire to be acting all funky to a potentially dangerous stranger. SO, instead of being punkass, I decided that when he started hitting me up, I would simply explain I did not wish for him to continue contacting me. Anddddd that failed on so many different levels, smh.

S- Hey stranger come out from ya hiding lol

K- I'm not hiding. I don't want to text you.

S-Oh, I see. You was feelin some type of way.

HUH???

K- Not at all.

S- I mean like I ignored people's texts all the time. I didn't know people ignored mine too lol. Karma.

Why. Why is this my life?*

Hey, Monie!

2010-03-02T16:02:00.000-08:00

Oh! This weekend, I could've used a good movie. I had food & a cornucopia of orangeade Snapples... a rare occurence. And suddenly, the lightbulb went on over my head-- "Buy a "Hey Monie" DVD!" I would've taken any of the seasons. I LOVED "Hey Monie." It was sooo cute & hilarious. I remember LOL-ing uncontrollably during the self- defense episode. It was a cross between "Sex in The City," "Living Single," and "Daria." GENiUS! So I moseyed my way on down to amazon.com only to find that there WAS no "Hey Monie" DVD :-(... I did vote for it to be distributed on DVD before I resorted to a YouTube search.

P.S.- while they're at it, they need to bring back "My Brother & Me"*

Beauty PSA....

2010-02-20T15:48:00.000-08:00

Peep game, bebe. Winter may (or may not, you can never tell with this apocalyptic weather) be ending soon, yet some of us (i find that including myself softens the blow of my judgement) are still traipsing around with cracked lips. Hmmmm. Now I know that lips are the thinnest skin on the body and therefore are more apt to peel and crack than say... the skin on your knees. And that, lovers, is where Carmex comes in!

This stuff is like crack. Well kinda. Like if crack kept your lips supple and deliciously smooth for hours at a time. It's been around forEVER-- I remember my older cousin keeping tubs of it in his car-- and for good reason. Ladies, you know how you have to reapply your lip gloss a billion times a day?? That's because lip gloss doesn't actually moisturize your lips. I know, it sounds crazy, especially if you're like me and your pout's brilliance can be spotted across St. John's campus like a twinkling star in the night sky :-*. But in reality, all lip gloss does is sit on top of your lips to help you achieve the high shine you (and I) so crave. And that, my friends, is where a nice, medicated lip balm with comes in!

I have found that aplying Carmex to mi mouth (no spell check) before lip gloss keeps me glossy for longer. Not to mention it just feels awesome-r. And just in case the 1 male reader I have (maybe it's time for a head count) gets to thinking this is a friggin chick flick, I suggest he (they?) cop that thang with all intentional haste & see if the quality of his (their) social life doesn't improve by a landslide. The first thing I look at, angelface, is your MOUTH. Well, after checking to see if you have crust in your eyes& all lat. *

Badass Bros*

2010-02-20T15:03:00.000-08:00

Vickyyy!*: this white bish just stared me downnn as i caressed my weave.

Chief Lots-O'-Hoes: -_-

Vickyyy!* I should slap her.

But I'ma just bump the sh.t outta her when i get off.

Ms. Blanco: Nigga said "as i caressed it" :-D

Chief Lots-O'-Hoes: Okkkk lol

Vickyyy!*: Lol

Dogs

I did. Hmph

Shopaholic makes me wanna cry too

I need NOT to have it on repeat while I'm on newbury

Chief Lots'O'-Hoes: Summer '09

Vickyyy!*: Ooooh the menories

it will make me spend all my money

Like it's his and not mine

Chief Lots-O'-Hoes: Lol

Vickyyy!*: And go home broke

And be mad

If one more white ho look at me like I'm crazy!

Imma lose it!

Like bish! i DO this

Y'all aint the only ones who shop on newbury

Ms. Blanco: Lmfaooooo omg marie ur crazy

Vickyyy!*: Seriously

It's bcuz my weave is blowing in the wind. Hmph*

We're BACK!!!*

2010-02-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

"How's Toyota doing these days?"

"I dunno, when I drive... I like brakes."

"You look at me with the eyes of f*ckin justice."

"The bottle not even mine... but it's mine."

"I'm a horrible liar so I can't think fast in my head. I can't think fast... at all."

"He raps. He was rapping to me that day. I just ignored it."

J-"Chances are, with that attitude you're not going to heaven."

S-"Talkin to me like that, you prolly won't make it home."

A-"Your lipgloss is fallin out your pocket."

M-"My lipgloss is droppin!"

K-"Did they just say something funny while we weren't listening?"

D- "I dunno. I wasn't listening."

"I don't like dogs. They scare my heart."

The Gateway Drug

2010-02-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

Whew! Well hello lovers! After laying up in my dorm for a virtual week cupcaking my Sims 3, it feels goooood to be reunited with my BAOww.* I feel like Sims is my selfish, abusive boyfriend that keeps me locked up in the house and away from the people I love. And my lovestuck ass doesnt even realize it until 6 hours later when my body rashes me for not feeding it all day! Oh, I'm sorry. I be so immersed in the game that when my Sim eats, I feel like I'm eating. I don't realize that I haven't talked to any real people all day because my Sim is super popular. Her friends are my friends. And I don't notice that although I have watched the sun rise and set, I have not ventured outside of my room because Sims 3 allows your Sim to own cars-- yea, I copped my Sim that fast red thang-- and she whipsssssss! Wait... now I'm embarassed. This is SO not okay. The Sims 3 is officially the NEW&iMPROVED gateway drug. All my friends tell me I should cut down on my Sims time. Deep down inside, I know they're right. I know I've become the equivalent to that creepy Asian kid who goes to Boston Bowl directly after school everyday to play Dance Dance Revolution. I don't even care that all the cool kids are pointing and laughing. Oh yea, I get open. I got that sh.t on my laptop now. I OPENLY play Sims WHEREVER I am.. cafeteria, library, class. They tryna make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, go.

Top Five: Play Your Position

2010-01-27T15:37:00.000-08:00

Hello, ladies! (Trey voice) As Valentine's Day approaches, I feel like everybody is getting super duper sappy. And when girls start getting toooo sappy, feelings are bound to get hurt. Usually when females are lonely for long amounts of time, they start making rash decisions. You don't wanna just settle. That's why you gotta assemble a "team" if you would, to occupy your time.

1- Now, out of the masses, there's always somebody who catches your eye. This is your star player. He can walk into the room and make your heart skip. This is usually the person whose texts you respond to first. Basically, your star player is the best prospect on the team. But more often that not, the star player must be trained. He needs to be aware that you have other options, no matter how much you like him.

2- Next, every team needs a guy who you're not necessarily the most attracted to but who you can talk to. That way, whenever your star player acts up, you have something to fall back on. This is an important member of the team because you can brush up on your game with #2. Swishhhhhhh :-)

3- # 3 is the member of the team who adores you and is just happy that you're even talking to him. It sounds terrible, but where would the NBA be without groupies? In the telly the night before game night lonely as SH.T! Don't think groupies aren't part of the team. They might not wear jerseys and run up and down the court, but they play with the best of 'em.

4- The next member of the team is the one that runs his mouth like a female. Not about you, of course. But contrary to popular belief, guys run they mouth JUST as much, if not MORE than girls do. There is always a nigga willing to tell you e-very-thing about your star player... all you need to know and more. Don't be alarmed if he occasionally throws shade. He's just jelly. Duh.

5- Please note. Player #5 has one purpose and one purpose only, and that is to hold the bench down patiently until you put him in the game. Nothing more, nothing less. Hayyy, Mr. Iverson! ;-)

As February grows nearer still, I encourage my soul sistas to assemble their teams and aggressively run their love lives. If you are not in control of your heart and your feelings, you're sooo much more likely to give up your control to somebody else. And that BLOWS. Now run tell dat*

Yippeeeeee! *

2010-01-27T15:28:00.000-08:00

Kimora Life in the Fab Lane is returning to the Style Network! Good things just keep happening to me! Now if Johnsies would just add the Style Network to our cable package... *

Celebrity Look-a-likes*

2010-01-27T10:09:00.000-08:00

Kim Kardashian & Vanessa Bryant

IDK. They both have that "I know there are 50 billion rich white men in the world, but I want a rich Black man" thing going on.*

WHY is He Soooo Pretty??

2010-01-25T09:47:00.000-08:00

OoooOooo chile. I watched this on mute in Ethics. I can't believe he stretched a baby hair tutorial out over 10 minutes! I can't believe there are baby hair tutorials!*

Swiper No Swiping!

2010-01-24T21:21:00.000-08:00

Now that I have a TV in my dorm, I like to do wild sh.t like leave it on allll night and wake up to it in the morning... now that's wild. Mostly it's because I can't sleep in silence. The house that I've lived in for 17 years of my life sits right in front of the Commuter Rail tracks. So when I'm at school, I let my fan blow on high, my gospel music blare out of my iPod dock, my heat burnnn at 78 degrees, and my TV on Nick@Nite. Usually I drift off into Dreamland with The Nanny and wake up to Dora the Explorer.

Now Dora blows me. Her voice is just so aggy! Most of the time she wakes me up before my alarm does. So I lay in bed, watching drowsily until it's time for me to get up. She sings songs about her backpack and her map. She repeats things a billion times. She takes long, unblinking pauses, waiting for me to answer her. But there is one thing about Dora the Explorer that fascinates me. Whenever adversity creeps into Dora's baby blue skies, she only has to say 3 words and the trouble retreats as suddenly as it arrived. "Swiper No Swiping!"

So I got to thinking. What if it was that simple in real life? What if I could tell my problems "Fall backkkk!" and they disappear? Cuz Swiper alllways leaves. As a matter of fact, he never gets past Dora and the lil monkey. They always peep and send him packing. But that's so unfair! In real life, things come out of nowhere and surprise you before you can address them and tell them to back back.

Now when I watch Dora, I feel like I'm going so hard because I'm both fascinated and disgusted by the ease with which Swiper comes and goes. I wanna write a letter to the producers and rash them for giving children everywhere false expectations of the real world. Swiper will invite himself in, kiddies, and more often than not, you won't see him coming! He just barges in, makes himself comfortable, and leaves when he FEELS like it. All you can do is pray he doesn't kill you. We can't all be Dora the Explorer. We only human, bro*

Badass Bros*

2010-01-21T09:10:00.000-08:00

I created a BBM group with my biddies now that we're all riding that mackberry wave.. aoww aowwww! We call it the "chat room". And it provides a never- ending source of FULL belly laughs alllll dayyy longgggg. I couldn't even put these conversations in the random quotes section cuz you gotta get the wholeeee joint in order to get the full effect of that jawn.

Vickyyy!- is Baby Bop Barney's kid?

Chief Lots-O'-Hoes*- no.

his nigga

Vickyyy!- why they match?

and she's a baby

Chief Lots-O'-Hoes*- lol idk

Vickyyy!- and her bro is yellow

C- she's scooter's baby sis

word

V- shouldn't THEY mtch?

C- how would she be Barney's kid

V- wtf is scooter?

why this grown man playing with her then?

C-they got different daddies

that's not his name?

her bro

V- LMAOOOOO

C-lol

shut uppppp

V- it's "EJ"

or "BJ"

Ari calls her "Baby Mom"

LiP

C- yea, BJ

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa

Lmfoooooooooooooooooo

Hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha

i call ____ Baby Bop

V- my poor baybay

why?

she looks like her?

C- she got these fat ass stubby ass toes

V- i would be mad

lmao

C- like Baby Bop

WE NEED A TV SHOW!*

The Miseducation of the Negro

2010-01-21T06:08:00.000-08:00

Told yall I was on my scholar grind this vaca. While reading "the Miseduction of the Negro," by Carter G. Woodson, I came across this quote that hit my soul:

"The world does not want and will never have the heroes and heroines of the past. What this age needs is an enlightened youth to undertake the tasks like theirs but to imbibe the spirit of these great men and answer the present call of duty with equal nobleness of soul."*